My Knight In Shining Armour

My Knight In Shining Armour


How often has that term been used as the epitome of the perfect man? It conjures up an image of the knight on horseback racing to the rescue of a damsel in distress, and with one foul swoop defeats all foes before him, assails the castle walls and rescues his queen to a life of happy ever after. Wow!

In Medieval times, Chivalry was the code by which all noble knights were governed. Only those of honourable birth and standing could take up the office.

13th Century conventions of chivalry directed that men should honor, serve, and do nothing to displease ladies and maidens. Knights were members of the noble class socially as bearers of arms, economically as owners of horse and armor, and officially through religious-oriented ceremony.

More than a code of manners in war and love, Chivalry was a moral system, governing the whole of noble life...—Barbara W. Tuchman, A Distant Mirror

Whilst I recognize that times have changed, some for the good and some for the bad, I can’t help but feel society as a whole has become far too familiar with itself. The pursuit of equality and parity has robbed us of innocence and honour. Not so long ago I kept the door held open whilst leaving a store for the following customer, (which happened to be a female). She cursed at me and was clearly livid at the prospect of a male treating her as inferior. I was doing what I always do, using my manners. Are we so full of our plight, that any offer of humanity is perceived as being superior?

The institution of chivalry forms one of the most remarkable features in the history of the middle Ages. Horatio Alger

I wonder whether our society has changed so much that the difference between the sexes is now seen purely as one of superiority or inferiority. There is a great quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission”. Inferiority is never overcome by imposing ones superiority on another. Chivalry, gallantry, honour, respect, defender, protector, are those virtues really so bad? Do females no longer dream of having someone to provide honour and treat them with respect as a fair maiden?

Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left un-redressed on earth. Charles Kingsley

You who long for the Knightly Order,
It is fitting you should lead a new life;
Devoutly keeping watch in prayer,
Fleeing from sin, pride and villainy;
The Church defending,
The Widows and Orphans succouring.
Be bold and protect the people,
Be loyal and valiant, taking nothing from others.
Thus should a Knight rule himself.


He should be humble of heart and always work,
And follow Deeds of Chivalry.;
Be loyal in war and travel greatly;
He should frequent tourneys and joust for his Lady Love;
He must keep honor with all,
So that he cannot be held to blame.
No cowardice should be found in his doings,
Above all, he should uphold the weak,
Thus should a Knight rule himself.
— Eustace Deschamps

I can’t help but feel that most men have in-built within them, the desire to protect and provide. Perhaps this is the reason for their pursuit of knightly orders and contact sports. Since all the dragons are slew and maidens no longer desire (or would tolerate) being rescued, gallantry is no longer a code to live by, but fuel to be used in defense of how more enlightened we are today. No knights, no damsels, no dragons, no heroes, no vanquished foe, no chivalry.

The age of chivalry has gone; the age of humanity has come. - Charles Sumner

When Good Friendships Turn Bad

When Good Friendships Turn Bad:


I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. Plutarch

It’s happened to most of us and if it hasn’t happened yet, brace yourself, because it probably will. Despite our best intentions and attempts, good friendships can and do turn bad.

Many years ago as a tutor working with unemployed youngsters, I met a young man who was infectious in his zeal for life and fun. As soon as he arrived at the facility, he began laughing and joking with his counterparts and within days was the centre of most activity. Pretty soon the laughter turned to raised voices and anguish, as tempers flared with disagreements emerging. What had begun as a positive start to his course had deteriorated into his decision to quit and move on. I remember questioning him as to the source of the issue and his response was stunning. “I have never had problems making friends, I just can’t keep them”.

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them. Francesco Guicciardini

In my City, statistics tell me that people move house once every five years and change their job every three to five years. We live in a time where consistency of employment and commitment to our employer is not as it were thirty years ago. Gone are the days of one employer for life. If you are living in the home where you were born, you are unique. This means that the likely hood of us continuing our childhood friendships is rare. If you are, you are truly blessed.

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man, friendship.
William Blake

With every new encounter comes the opportunity to begin afresh. Most of us relish new challenges as any failures can be left where they belong. Sadly, this makes for a transient attitude towards commitment and in particular longevity in friendships.

One of the buzz words that permeate through most organizations these days is “Leadership.” Another one is “Mentoring.” Also the term “Coaching,” has become popular. All these terms infer influence from one person to another. In my early career days it was the term “Apprentice.” I prefer the term “Friendship,” but that requires more than the input of my skills and knowledge, it requires my all. Good, bad and ugly!

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
Albert Schweitzer

The power of friendship is perhaps one of the greatest gifts a human being can experience. It can empower us to take on the impossible, to venture into realms of the unthinkable. In simpler terms, it can make life worth living. I don’t believe life was meant to be a solitary experience in fact I believe we excel with others to share the journey and load. But what happens when good friendships turn bad? What would a good friend do in such circumstances?

We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.
Joseph Roux

Most of the tragedies’ in life don’t require an answer or a verbal response. If they did, chances are, words wouldn’t cut it anyway. As humans, we respond to warm support. On the death of my father (my best friend in life), there were no words that could satisfy my loss. What helped was a strong warm hug from an old school friend whose eyes were as full as mine.

The sad part in life is those friends are few and far between. We become so pre-occupied with the affairs of life and living, that we miss more opportunities to strengthen our friendships than we connect with.

Friendships take time, and they are forged primarily in times of misunderstanding and need. “A friend in need is a friend indeed” and without doubt, the true friendships we hold to, are those we are committed to despite opportunities to sever them.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen

Let me ask you a powerful question? It’s one of those questions that reveal more about oneself than facilitating information.

Make a list of those past friendships you once held important to yourself and alongside their names identify whether you are the richer or poorer for no longer having them in your life?

Further to that list, ask yourself this question. “Am I the type of friend I want as my friend?”

True friendships are forged by a decision of our will, not by our shifting emotions. To have friends one must first be friendly.

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
Laurence J. Peter