Iv'e Been Thinking

Building your future – day by day.

2011-05-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

Building your future – day by day.

Life has a way of slipping away on a daily basis. Perhaps one of the ironic truisms is ones youth is perceived as eternal and the future never comes. In stark contrast to reality, the future does come and usually quicker than we think.

Each day I meet individuals who are “trapped” in the mundane aspects of their life, and struggle to find a sense of purpose in their jobs. The fact that we refer to our daily work as “a job” is the first indication that we are trapped. So how can we build a future in which we would prefer to live?

Here are some helpful keys that will empower your future.

1. The future is where we live

The future is not as far away as one thinks! I remember well, sitting in the career guidance office at high school, worrying about the next phase of my life. As I pondered the career options, leaving home, friendships, and the sports teams that had provided the network and assurance of who I was. All these would change, and the future was less than clear to me.

How important were those decisions made in ignorance? The quote “youthfulness is wasted on youth” has a ring of truth to it. As a young person, my thoughts rarely ventured into the mundane issues of life or responsibilities beyond my future needs, let alone considering another’s needs. On reflection, I think I should have thought.

Each day we fashion our future out of the daily habits we accumulate. Some will prepare us for life, but few will initiate our success in the future.

2. The strongest prison is in the confines of one’s mind

Our attitude is a huge factor in determining our future. A positive attitude can make an intellectually inferior person superior and a superior person inferior, that’s the power of attitude. To assume we need unlimited resources to be successful in life is as foolish as believing things will change without us taking responsibility. Whether we can or cannot, we are absolutely right!

The wild salmon’s survival is dependent on its capacity to swim against the tide. Were it to choose a life of ease and to take the path of least resistance, it would be extinct in one generation. If we are to build the future in which we prefer to live, one must accept the inevitable:

a) We will meet with daily resistance of all kinds. Prepare your mind for it

b) Every preferable future starts with the seed of hope. It does not come fully formed

c) If your thinking isn’t open to growth and change, your future is limited

d) The hardest thing to open is a closed mind. Seek out dream builders in print

e) Minimise your options. An option mentality always leaves the back door open.

3. Our future is purposed by our daily activities

We are creatures of habit. Part of our security lays in the way we control the variables in life. Recently I was speaking at a meeting regarding change management. I made the statement, “Who likes change” and the response was overwhelming. Almost all the participants raised their hands. I asked each person to look around the room and see the response. I then talked about, removing parking privileges, open plan offices replacing individual ones and moving the 9-5 working day to three shifts which included weekend rotation. I asked again, “who likes change now?” The response was again overwhelming, but this time negatively. The point being, we all like change as long as it affects us positively.

Change is the way of life. From the moment of our conception, our life is given to change. Some things are within our ability to change, others are not. However, the things we do on a daily basis can guarantee our success or failure.

I believe there are some important habits that we must include in our day to be facilitate the future in which we prefer to life:

a) Think and act constructively. (Enter each day prepared ahead of time)

b) Find creative solutions to mundane problems. (boredom is a curse)

c) Never ever, let someone paint your horizon (it will always be too dull)

d) Give at least one hour per day to the pursuit of your future development

e) Take the time to help someone else out. Give, share, encourage, support, acknowledge)

f) Always be kind to the cleaner (janitor) and treat them with equal respect.

g) Remember God’s gift to you was life, what you do with it, is your gift to Him.

4. Boldness is the tool that shapes our world

For every great breakthrough that humanity enjoys today, some individual has paid the price to bring it into reality. Boldness is not arrogance! Today people are more focused on having an “attitude” than they are a “character.” Boldness is one of the missing links in many a life today. One can be bold without imposing ones boldness upon another, but boldness is infectious and without such people, the world is captive to a monotone existence that lacks the rallying call of creativity and daring.

“People who make no mistakes lack boldness and the spirit of adventure. They are the brakes on the wheels of progress”. Dale Turner

Why not act bold. If you always do what you’ve always done, you will always get what you always got. Idiocy is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

I recall playing a play station golf game that required me to synchronize two moving scales of strength and direction simultaneously in order to drive the ball down the course. Try as I did, the ball kept hurling off to the left. After hours of total frustration, I gave up. One of my children picked it up and with one click landed the ball smack centre of the fairway! After “being educated” in the process, I am able to place the ball at will around the course.

In order to create a culture and a character of boldness, one must position oneself in a place of potential failure, for without the possibility of failure we will never experience the thrill of success. Living a beige life restricts us from living in the spectrum of colour. Why not be bold and take a risk in a new career, a promotion, in a new business venture, in a relationship, in an investment, in a new country, or simply in the way that you have always thought. Open your mind to the creative genius of a bold new life. That’s what visionaries do.

5. Change your glasses; you may be surprised at the view.

Some years ago, I had a group of friends around whilst I was decorating the house. One of the majour tasks was the cathedral style vaulted ceilings of my home. Standing a considerable height from the floor, the only way they could be painted was with the brush attached to an extension pole. It was messy work and the constant dripping of the paint splattered my glasses and those of my friend. On noticing the state of his glasses, I couldn’t help but laugh. However, my glasses were in a worse state than his. How we had managed to continue with the painting with such a limitation in vision was amazing. The truth is, we live our life each day with our vision limited by our perception and circumstances. On cleaning the mess off the lenses, our field of vision was once again restored.

Here are some helpful keys to improve your vision of the future:

a) Take time out to review your perspective. Things do look different after a good night’s sleep.

b) Get your eyesight checked (all vision needs the support of other visionaries)

c) Adjust your focus (don’t micro manage your problems), step back and try to look at the big picture. A magnifying glass in the suns focus can set a corn field on fire, yet of little value in looking at the big picture.

On a final note; the only things that grow naturally in a garden are weeds. To construct a life with vision and purpose, one needs a plan. The roadway to success is paved with parking bays, and an original idea needs a systematic plan of activation. Why not start building your future, today?

Let them eat cake

2011-01-30T14:41:00.000-08:00

“Let them eat cake”

Recently we have been bombarded by celebrity morals. What I mean by that, is those in the public eye, have decided to take cheap shots at their viewing public from what they consider to be a higher moral ground.

"Let them eat cake" is the traditional translation of the French phrase "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche", supposedly spoken by "Marie Antoinette," upon learning that the peasants had no bread. As brioche is luxury bread enriched with eggs and butter, it would reflect the princess's obliviousness to the nature of a famine. However, "Let them eat cake” was said 100 years before her by Marie-Thérèse, the wife of Louis XIV. It was a callous and ignorant statement and Marie Antoinette, was neither. Author Vincent Cronin also agrees that Marie-Thérese made the statement, and not Marie Antoinette.

The statement “Let them eat cake” was made amidst a tumultuous time in history when the common man was under financial and physical oppression by the systematic taxing and the enforced restrictions, heaped upon them by a privileged few. This resulted in the French revolution and the removal of heads (physically and metaphorically).

Over recent months, many a celebrity chef (Jamie Oliver, Mike King, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall and a plethora of others), have decided to enlighten us from their privileged positions about the ethics (or lack of it) in food production. Whilst I recognize there is a valid point to be made, I find it difficult to imagine that whilst they make their prognosis on ethical farming practices from their exclusive ivory towers, they truly understand what it is to live like a peasant. If they do, recent comments allude me!

Recently, I heard Fearnely-Whittingstall say, “It shouldn’t be possible for someone to buy a chicken for two pounds”. This hallow statement reminded me of one made amidst a revolution not so long ago. “Let them eat cake”. It reminded me of how far he and other “specialists” have become removed from the average man and just how ill directed their prejudices have become.

"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Matthew 25:35

Passion without wisdom is merely ignorance gone to seed! Whilst I consider oneself educated enough to understand ethical food production, I am wise enough to understand that a privileged lifestyle can build a wall of ignorance around the masses. I love quality foods, (ask my wife and she will concur), I am well able to blow the week’s supermarket bill on an evening’s meal. No one will convince me that factory produced meat is better than free range, organically fed products, but it is well beyond the average person’s capacity to buy. And here is the ethics dilemma; one has to BE a celebrity to financially afford the choices they espouse from their pulpits.

"According to our Christian ethics, we're supposed to love God, love each other and help take care of the poor. It is immoral to charge somebody making $5,000 an income tax". Bob Riley

At the time of Mary Antoinette reign, Marie Antoine (Antonin) Carême, (a celebrity chef) was producing meals for the Royalty that required a thousand swans tongues and pastry masterpieces that stood four feet high. Born destitute and abandoned, he rose to the most prestigious rank few chefs could ever lay claim to. Carême's impact on culinary matters ranged from trivial to theoretical. He is credited with creating the standard chef's hat, the toque; he designed new sauces and dishes, he published a classification of all sauces into groups, based on four mother sauces, and I frequently refer to many of his published works to keep my feet on the ground and enlighten the next generation of chefs.

Carême used his skills and position to influence world opinion on food methodology and consumption. Today’s celebrity chefs are no different, but one wonders whether their plight is ego driven or politically inspired. Were they to try living on unemployment, or a highly restrictive income and decide between a new pair of shoes for your child or a two pound chicken that will feed them, what would they choose?

“Let them eat cake?”

"Divorced from ethics, leadership is reduced to management and politics to mere technique". James MacGregor Burns

Ethics cost much more than a conscience vote, it reaches far further than into the economic and the lifestyle choice. Lifestyle choice is for the privileged few. It eludes most good parents as they battle economic and commercial forces, aimed at widening the gap between rich and poor. In this world of “the user pays” mentality, I am beginning to wonder who actually pays and who avoids it?

"Action indeed is the sole medium of expression for ethics". Jane Addams

Most of us live within a capitalistic world view and as such are pre-occupied with climbing atop the pile of our accumulated trophies, in stark contrast to the Christian ethos of giving, sharing and making the poor and widows a priority. Our catch phrase seems to be, “He who dies with the most toys, wins?”

"A people and their religion must be judged by social standards based on social ethics. No other standard would have any meaning if religion is held to be necessary good for the well-being of the people". B. R. Ambedkar

So please Mr. Celebrity chef, before you lecture me on the ethics of food production, take off your Louis-Vuitton glasses, switch off your Bang and Olufsen hi-fi, get out of your Maserati and with your porcelain veneers flashing, tell me what’s wrong with a two pound chicken?

"Ethics is knowing the difference between what you have a right to do and what is right to do". Potter Stewart

Want to know what the Bible says about the poor?

Don't Stress - It solves nothing

2011-01-22T20:49:00.000-08:00

It has been said that the first part of a man’s life is about accumulation and excess, where as the latter part is about quality and time well spent.

This year I became a grandparent for the first time in the history of the world. True! My advancing years have now afforded me the wisdom and experience to rear children, but with a reduced energy level that makes it a challenge to put it into practice. There is something about the ageing process that is essential in the development of acumen for life. If only we appreciated that in the days of our youth?

“Youth is wasted on the young” – George Bernard Shaw

I have quoted that saying since the days of my youth and now I think I understand it. One key attribute missing with youth, is patience. As a young person, one trust in health, strength, confidence and an attitude to life that believes it is fireproof and lasts forever. It is these qualities that both invigorate and infuriate at the same time.

“How can a society that exists on instant mashed potatoes, packaged cake mixes, frozen dinners, and instant cameras teach patience to its young”? ~Paul Sweeney

I made a new, New Year’s resolution this month and have added it to my outgoing correspondence signature as a reminder to self and reader alike. "Don't stress, it never solves anything, the best time to relax is when you don't have time for it".

I read an article recently, in which the researcher sited some horrific statistics of stress in the younger generations and in particular the under twelve’s in our society. Have we advanced so much that our children are experiencing stress long before they can spell it?

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. ~Richard Carlson

My personal belief is that as parents, our role is to protect and prepare our children for situations in life that they are neither emotionally or physically unable to deal with. That consensus seems to be contrary to what’s common in today’s society and some would claim it old fashioned.

Society does change and with that change, so do community values. These values (that shape society) serve to make acceptable, things which a previous generation were unwilling to accept or tolerate.

Local society is now shaped (and often directed) by World values. Pressure is exerted upon us by subtle sources of influence way beyond ones personal values , such as Economic, Political, Educational, Technological, Environmental, Socially, and Legally. We live in an age where business does dictate decisions on the local and national level. Free trade agreements eventually influence decisi0ons made at a family level. Our society is shaped as much by what we DON’T do, as much as what we DO.

“To me, consensus seems to be the process of abandoning all beliefs, principles, values and policies. So it is something in which no one believes and to which no one objects”. Margaret Thatcher.

I am fascinated by people and always have been. Nosey! My mother called me, as I was always to be found asking “inappropriate” questions beyond my years and peers. I have an inbuilt need to know why people think the way they do and what causes them to do what they do!

A couple of years ago, I stumbled upon a quote taken from a book by Neil Howe and William Strauss called; Generations: The History of America's Future, 1584 to 2069. I did some research and added it to my “wish list” and later in the year received it as a gift.

The central tenet of the book is that generations don't age the same way, and when looking at generations through history, the correct way to look at them is by cohort - that is, by groups with similar birth years - rather than by age. In other words, if you're born in 1950 and grow up in the '60s and '70s, you'll be different at age 50 than you will if you're born in 1970 and grow up in the '80s and '90s. Strauss and Howe then trace a number of generational cohorts through American History, and find evidence of a cycle of generational types - usually a four part cycle, but in one case a three part cycle. For example, they liken Gen X (whom they call "13ers"), born in 1961-1980, to the "Lost" generation born in the late 1800s. The book makes some startling observations on the way society is shaped by generational values and furthermore seeks to pre-empt the likely scenarios ahead of us.

“We may consider each generation as a distinct nation, with a right, by the will of its majority, to bind themselves, but none to bind the succeeding generation, more than the inhabitants of another country”. Thomas Jefferson

Stress is alive and well in this generation of ours. It seeks to invade our silence at every opportunity. The effect of stress upon one is found in the way one responds or reacts to it. An issue only has the power or pre-eminence one grants it. When all is said and done, it’s not what’s said that counts, but what’s done.

Quality of life is not about having all ones needs met, but being content with few needs. If ones wants serve to increase ones stress, it’s time to redefine ones needs.

“The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life”. ~Muhammad Ali

"Don't stress, it never solves anything, the best time to relax is when you don't have time for it".

We live longer than our forefathers; but we suffer more from a thousand artificial anxieties and cares. They fatigued only the muscles, we exhaust the finer strength of the nerves. ~Edward George Bulwer-Lytton

Signs of Stress

Capitalism

2011-01-19T01:56:00.000-08:00

Capitalism – Friend or Foe?

I have been thinking long and hard prior to even attempting to write this blog. I am sure that most “thinking” people will consider these comments before dismissing them. Certainly, all of us should have a considered opinion about the world culture in which we live and have the maturity to distance ourselves from the influencing benefits and incentives that so easily shroud us from sound thinking.

Over the past few years, I have become saddened and challenged, by the widening gap between the haves and have-nots. I have spent most of my adult life serving none profit organisations, through an underlying belief and a commitment to bringing change. Change, that comes via influence and practical assistance, rather than a soapbox mentality.

In recent times, several western governments used the world’s economy as a means to financially bailout many of the faceless corporate entities, citing that without such a move, the world would slip into an unprecedented recession. Laws were passed almost unchallenged (certainly unheeded) and at a pace that would leave an Olympic sprinter out of breath. All these acts proceeded without as much as a referendum by the people or a consultative process. These people acted in the interests of whom?

In our western culture we consider capitalism as many would religion. In fact to many, capitalism isn’t merely a religion it is a god. It dictates not only what we believe but how we behave. When communism adopts capitalism (to the point of excelling on the world stage), one has to question “what is the underlying philosophy that regulates capitalistic behaviour?” Many of the values and motives that our fore fathers embraced under freedom, no longer apply in the world of business.

Recently, I spoke to a business person in connection with a critical issue relating to personnel. Their response was “This is not personal, it’s business.” This statement typifies the lack of ethic and morals that are part of many business decisions and individuals psyche today. For every action there is a reaction!

Whilst shopping in the mall recently, I was literally accosted by a middle aged woman, who frantically dumped facts and figures about the world economy and the world’s most powerful bankers upon me. It was a tidal wave of passion and concern. She held my attention for close to fifteen minutes and departed as quickly as she had arrived. Why me? Out of the thousands of shoppers and at any given time of the day, she chose to dump this on me and left. The very next day, as I was browsing TV, I found myself watching Michael Moore’s documentary “Capitalism, a love story”.

Now I’ve been thinking! When decisions are made based purely on a financial outcome and with no regard for those for whom these decisions ultimately effect, are we acting in the interests of community or bank? Aren’t public servants charged with acting in the best interests of those to whom they serve and are responsible? It seems to me, that the only people to benefit out of the “supposed” recent financial collapse, were the CEO’s and investors that saw it coming.

There is a clear disparity between those for whom income is on a fixed rate and those who can “write off” expenses. In Moore’s documentary he asked the question “How would Jesus view capitalism and what was his response to the capitalists of His day? I’m still thinking!

Today, I received an e-mail with the following attached. I don’t know the person responsible for its collation, but for your interest, it may well sound very familiar?

quote:

Send it Around New Zealand

At first I thought this was funny....... Then I realized the awful truth of it. Be sure to read all the way to the end!

Tax his land,

Tax his bed,

Tax the table

At which he's fed.

Tax his work,

Tax his pay,

He works for peanuts

Anyway!

Tax his cow,

Tax his goat,

Tax his pants,

Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,

Tax his drink,

Tax him if he

Tries to think..

Tax his car,

Tax his gas,

Find other ways

To tax his ass.

Tax all he has

Then let him know

That you won't be done

Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;

Then tax him some more,

Tax him till

He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,

Tax his grave,

Tax the sod in

Which he's laid.

When he's gone,

Do not relax,

Its time to apply

The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax

Airline surcharge tax

Airline Fuel Tax

Airport Maintenance Tax

Building Permit Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Death Tax

Dog License Tax

Driving Permit Tax

Environmental Tax (Fee)

Excise Taxes

Local Body Tax

Unemployment (UI)

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax

Gasoline Tax (too much per litre)

Gross Receipts Tax

Health Tax

Hunting License Tax

Hydro Tax

Inheritance Tax

Interest Tax

Liquor Tax

Luxury Taxes

Marriage License Tax

Medicare Tax

Mortgage Tax

Personal Income Tax

Property Tax

Poverty Tax

Prescription Drug Tax

Provincial Income and sales tax

Real Estate Tax

Recreational Vehicle Tax

Retail Sales Tax

Service Charge Tax

School Tax

Telephone Tax

Telephone , Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes

Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Water Tax

Watercraft Registration Tax

Well Permit Tax

Workers Compensation Tax

--- and in 2010

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What in "Hell" happened?

Anon

'Fire In The Hole'

2011-01-03T14:50:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been thinking about my early days in the work force. In the days long before the internet, colour TV, and when the only pods we were privy to were pea pods not i-pods. Back in the days when the term uni-sex was unheard of, a mobile hung over a crib and your own mode of transport had pedals. I recall receiving my first transistor radio and marveled at the technology while listening to radio Luxemburg and pirate radio as I drifted off to sleep land.

I was fortunate to be selected from over a hundred applicants for a commis chef position with a prestigious country hotel about twenty miles from my home town. It was frequented and owned by the landed gentry and mobbed most shooting seasons by pot bellied, tweed wearing and gout ridden men with their twelve bore shot guns, deer stalker hats and hip flasks of double malt whiskey. I remember well, walking through their tobacco haze and packs of setters and hunting dogs in an effort to get to the hotel kitchen (from my on-site living quarters) at six a.m. and thinking, so this is what people with money do with their lives.

It was on one such occasion, that I blew up the kitchen and hospitalized two cooks. Not by choice I hastily add! As was my lot, I was on breakfast duty after a late night finish and was tired and weary from a week long week of late nights and early mornings, when I entered the kitchen and began following my usual system of switching on lights, firing up the fryers, lighting the gas stoves, ovens and grills in anticipation of a hectic breakfast shift, which usually began with businessmen always in a hurry to consume copious quantities of bacon, eggs, coffee and toast prior to hooning out of the car park on their way to the next corporate merger.

My first half hour usually consisted of burning at least one tray of bacon and carbonizing a pan of fried eggs whilst my body adjusted the smell of poaching kippers, grease filters heating up and the brewing of coffee from the still room next door. The list of anticipated activities was at times mind numbing at that hour of the morning and it was further complicated, dependent upon the particular waiting staff that were to clock on for duty at seven a.m. On this particular morning, the pace was hectic and several orders arrived prior to the kitchen opening with “In a hurry” written on the docket (as everyone was always in a hurry).

I was just throwing out my first tray of bacon, when one of the cooks turned up for duty and as was always the case moaned about how messy I was and back in their day they would have been fired at best and at worst, whipped and trussed over hot coals. “Ah the good old days.”

“order on!” was the cry from the waitress, alerting me to the fact that the serenity of the hour had gone and I was about to experience something similar to a wildebeest stampede, as the next hour would see a deluge of stressed guests competing for priority waitress service, using every imaginable technique to gain the upper hand over their competitors. At times I would gaze through the port hole from kitchen to dining room and observe these creatures in their native habitat. I often reflected on Richard Attenborough’s wild life series, in particular the dung beetle and would find strange similarities in the observed behaviour. “Bacons on fire!” would be the cry from the cook and tray number two was doomed to the pig bin.
Often we were complemented on our pork (we bred our own animals, poultry and vegetables) and to me it was obvious why the pork tasted so good? In my formative years as a budding chef, I was more focused on filling the pig bin than I was the customer.

The air was now thick with smoke and the aroma of carbon and chip fat, was complimented by the pungent odour of raising bread, porridge and beef roasting for lunch. The second cook had arrived by now and had started making the first batch of scones and other such products for our Devonshire tea menu. The silence had gone now, as I had to endure the two women moaning about their husbands, pay rates, traffic, the lack of visibility in the kitchen, oh and how messy I was. Then it happened. Just like in an old ninja movie. Everything slowed down to a crawl as one of the cooks opened the oven door to put in her first batch of scones. BOOM!

I remember watching this sixteen stone cook being hurled through the air, over the preparation table in the centre of the kitchen and into the fridge. Were I an Olympic swimming judge, I would have had to award 8.5 for dexterity, 9.0 for creativity and a definite 10 for artistic interpretation. It was awesome! Only the Russian judge would have marred the scoring.

I remember the silence that engulfed the place, as I peered over the bench and gazed upon the distraught cook. I remember thinking how quiet she was now. No complaining about her husband or the unfairness of the pay rate. The flash from the stove had singed her hair line, eye brows and the moustache she once had (that always fascinated me), was now gone. There was definite smouldering going on around her uniform and immediately above her head was a sign that said “No Smoking.”

She was no doubt in shock (as we all were), and the silence was now broken as staff from all over the place turned up to find out where the explosion had come from. The manager (whom we all called Fawlty), arrived and immediately made his way to the cook. “What happened?” he asked the cook, (and here’s where the travesty of mis-justice first arose) “He did it” she cried (literally). I mean, come on! Here is a huge woman that was clearly eligible for entry into the Guinness book of records (in at least three categories)’, making such an unproven accusation against my unblemished character (sure, I put my hands up for the bacon burning, but that’s just part of the skill development).

By this time the ambulance had arrived and I had burned my third bacon tray for the day, when the manager pointed out my eyebrows, eyelashes and chef’s hat was shriveled and I had a huge red flash burn on my left arm (which I carry to this day). The cook was hurling abuse at me and threatening to kill me, if she ever walked again. Amazingly her tights had shriveled on the front but were intact to the rear. All the thick black hairs had been removed, (she did thank me later for the best wax job ever). Fortunately, we all came through the event marginally unscathed, the oven doors were re-fitted; I bought the cook a new pair of tights and an eye brow pencil so she could draw eyebrows back on, for special occasions.

I was removed from the breakfast shift, (which I thought was so considerate of the head chef until I found out the morning shift had mutinied and refused to work with me due to fear of a reprisal) and I earned the nickname bam bam!

It seems such a long time ago now, but I can still smell the bacon most mornings and fondly look back on the time when I got two extra weeks holiday, with pay.

PS I am available for weddings, functions and reception work. :)

Value or Cost

2010-12-29T15:02:00.000-08:00

Value or Cost – you choose

"The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows." George William Curtis.

Hi and welcome to the last blog of 2011. To you and yours, I trust the dreams that await you, serve you well in the coming year. Here’s to a fantastically successful and prosperous new year!

As I ponder the thoughts ready to be made captive in print, my mind looks back over a year full of challenges and opportunities. Some of these have taken me to the point of despair and others lifting me to great heights of inspiration. With each year of life and living, one becomes less motivated by things and more pre-occupied with causes or values. It is a truism, that many can know the cost of everything but the value of little.

The greatest gift that one can have is time. The greatest use of that gift is to use it for the betterment of others and no greater investment can be that which is invested into a child, on whom the future depends.

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it” proverbs 22:6.

The power of that statement is seen in both the positive and negative. Training happens whether it is pro-active or passive. Whatever a child’s character is exposed to, it will be conformed to it, both the good, bad and ugly. What influences us molds us.

“We build our life from the building bricks of habit that we pick up each day and before we know it, we have shaped the house in which we live.” This coming year, why not purpose to leave some bricks where they lay?

We have but one shot at life and the impact of a life lived, will reverberate through eternity.

New beginnings are humanities way of putting to bed the past, a way of resolving things left undone. Resolutions may not be the panacea of life, but as Socrates said, “An unexamined life is not worth living." By all means review the year to date and if necessary list the issues that come to mind, but further to that, purpose to live your life by values that take account of the cost and the pursuant benefits.

I have purposed to enter 2011 with these thoughts in mind:

To cherish the memories

Be at peace with the present

Reach for my dreams, whilst inspiring you to reach yours.

My hope for you this coming year is that your decisions will be wise and seasoned with value

To know the value of nine months:

Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To know the value of one month:

Ask a mother who has given birth to A premature baby.

To know the value of one week:

Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To know the value of one hour:

Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To know the value of one minute:

Ask a person Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To know the value of one-second:

Ask a person Who has survived an accident.

To know the value of one millisecond:

Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics

Time waits for no one.

Treasure every moment you have.

You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special. – Author unknown.

"In one YEAR and OUT the other"

2010-12-25T19:02:00.000-08:00

“In one year and out the other”

“A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other, don’t let it go in one ear and out the other”!

It’s that time of year again. The battle between the flesh and the mind, have been at odds with one another throughout the year and now we have a chance to appease one or the other. Sound familiar? Of course it does, it’s the season of the New Year resolution.

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man". ~Benjamin Franklin

I’m not too sure where the tradition arose or whether it is part of humanities resolve to feel good in ones attempts to do better or lift the internal burden of guilt at having failed in ones preferred outcome? Either way, we face another year in which millions of individuals will make a mental list of promises to one’s self and others.

"For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning". ~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

Recent research shows that while 52% of participants in a resolution study were confident of success with their goals, only 12% actually achieved their goals. Men achieved their goal 22% more often when they engaged in goal setting, (a system where small measurable goals are being set, such as, a pound a week, instead of saying "lose weight"), while women succeeded 10% more when they made their goals public and got support from their friends.[3]. Despite each goal having its own specific rewards and challenges, there are deep commonalities in the mindsets which start change [4]. more info

I am convinced that willpower in itself assists few people in achieving their goals. In fact, people provide the many support structures that assist us in making our changes.

“The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway” – Proverb

We should be more concerned with the process than the result as the Journey of life is littered with parking spaces, and because of this, the average person will never reach their FULL Potential in life.

"It’s easier to obtain than it is to maintain" – Edwin Louis Cole

Some years ago, I spoke to a friend who had a string of fitness centres around New Zealand. He told me, one of their fire sure marketing strategies was to sell more yearly gym memberships than they were licensed to hold, knowing full well, that more than fifty percent would fail to use them outside of their first three months! Human nature is such, that it is more enticing to start something than the character needed to complete it. That’s why:

Gym membership

New diet

Study or course commencement

Apprenticeship

Relationship

Saving / Investing ….. all require a steadfast commitment to complete.

"The Old Year has gone. Let the dead past bury its own dead. The New Year has taken possession of the clock of time. All hail the duties and possibilities of the coming twelve months"! ~Edward Payson Powell

Some of the most popular goals include resolutions are:

• Improve health: lose weight, exercise more, eat better, drink less alcohol, quit smoking
• Improve finances: get out of debt, save money
• Improve career: get a better job
• Improve education: improve grades, get a better education, learn something new (such as a foreign language or music)
• Improve self: become more organized, reduce stress, be less grumpy, manage time, be more independent
• Take a trip
• Volunteer to help others Wikipedia

“Many people look forward to the New Year for a new start on old habits.” - Anonymous

Here are some keys I believe will assist anyone to be successful in entering 2011 equipped and confident to succeed. In order to finish well, we must develop some consistencies in Life:

1. We have to prioritise our lives / circumstances / time

2. We live by conviction of what is true, not what “feels good”

3. We are to be consistent THROUGHOUT our life. Many Athletes “Peak” at a certain age, or event,

BUT teams seek consistency

4. To finish as well, we must be prepared to start

“A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other, don’t let it go in one ear and out the other”!

Here’s to all those in the blogosphere, who are sat with pen in hand and notepad at the ready, with a heart full of optimism for the year that beckons to us all. Set your goals in concrete and your plans in sand, for the way you get to your goals may shift, but don’t be deterred, for the journey is just as important as the destination.

“Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past”. Henry Ward Beecher

Be blessed and fulfilled in 2011.

Fraudulent Living

2010-12-18T13:05:00.000-08:00

Fraudulent Living

2010, has been one of those years. It has been a year when it seemed as if every area of life has been shaken to the core. Have you experienced a year like that? It is in such times as this that one becomes vulnerable and exposed to negative “self talk”. We are told that it is in such high risk times, stress levels increase, blood pressure is heightened and were are apt to make rash and irresponsible decisions that will only serve to place further challenges upon us.

“We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them”. Charles C. West

From another perspective, it is in such times that revelation and breakthrough can occur, if only we are in a frame of mind to perceive it when it comes.

“We turn to God for help when our foundations are shaking, only to learn that it is God who is shaking them”. ~Charles C. West

It has been my life experience that personal character development and an awareness of ones self is revealed in such times, yet we rarely appreciate it until we are “on the other side” of adversity. The sky always seems it’s brightest after the storm has passed and perspective is influenced by the way we choose to view things.

“Birds sing after a storm; why shouldn't people feel as free to delight in whatever remains to them”? Rose F. Kennedy

Some years ago Zig Ziglar told the story of an artist who had turned his art to crime in the form of forging $20 bills. So accurate were his attempts that he remained un-detected for years until one day a local shop owner found smudged ink on one of his bills. The pursuing investigation resulted in his imprisonment. At the government sale of his estate, over one hundred paintings by the artist were sold and the resulting cash netted millions of dollars, so well received were his works. The artist had defrauded himself and deprived the world of his gift.

“Fraud and falsehood only dread examination. Truth invites it.” Samuel Johnson

It amazes me just what lengths a student will go to, in order to cheat the system of assessment and tests. Were they to apply the same energy in preparation, they would no doubt pass with flying colours. Of course many don’t and they’re day is consumed with scouring the internet, or texting mates for answers rather than studying and applying the process of learning. We have evolved a generation that is more interested in “clocking” a game rather than learning it through experience.

“Rather fail with honour than succeed by fraud”. Sophocles

Cheat sites plague the internet and forums flood gaming sites with codes to break the normal process.

“He that will cheat at play will cheat you any way” proverbs

I recently heard of a student who was put in touch with a team who will complete ones studies on your behalf for a fee. No process necessary, no learning required just straight answers for a fee. Our pre-occupation with continued education as a means of making ones way in the world, is now devoid of a time served apprenticeship of learning. We have gone full circle and now perceive maturity as the Greeks saw it (knowledge). Knowledge in itself is not maturity. One can have masters in communication, yet a string of failed relationships, or a doctorate in business management and declared bankrupt. Why? Education prepares you for life, but it will not live it for oneself.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey”. Kenji Miyazawa

Life is all about tests and you avoid them at your peril. I believe the tests we face in life are tailor made to our personality. They are designed to fashion and develop us for life and living. No one said they would be easy and at times bring one to ones knees in desperation and wonderment. One thing is sure, when we have learned what we can from these tests, were we to apply that understanding to further challenges that come our way, we will be the better for it, emotionally, physically and intellectually.

“When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful”. Barbara Bloom

As we face this time of year when pressures mount, relationships, and finances are stretched, take time to step back and become better equipped for life and living. After all, the greatest of all frauds is to cheat one self.
I trust all my friends, associates, blog readers and students will have a safe Christmas and a year full of realised dreams and inspired hope.

“I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much”. Mother Teresa

If life throws you a lemon, hurl a melon back!

2010-11-26T18:39:00.000-08:00

If life hands you a lemon, hurl a melon back!

“You can motivate by fear, and you can motivate by reward. But both those methods are only temporary. The only lasting thing is self motivation”. Homer Rice

Coaching has become a term that is used by almost anyone to distinguish between one whom has insight and another who requires it. It somehow adds credibility to the process, however coaching is a specific ability to empower not counsel or teach, for to assume someone needs teaching is to create a divide between pupil and teacher. My experience as counselor, teacher/ lecturer and coach, has allowed me to become aware of specific skills and abilities essential to each of the a-fore mentioned roles.

“A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment”. John Wooden

Some people tend to use the terms coaching, mentoring, and training interchangeably. However, there are differences. Mentoring is often thought of as the transfer of wisdom from a wise and trusted teacher. He or she helps to guide a person’s career, normally in the upper reaches of the organization. However, this perception is starting to change as organizations are now implementing mentoring at all levels of the company's structure.

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.” – Albert Schweitzer

Mentor - comes from the age of Homer, in whose Odyssey; Mentor is the trusted friend of Odysseus left in charge of the household during Odysseus's absence. Athena, disguised as Mentor, guides Odysseus's son Telemachus in his search for his father. Fénelon in his romance Télémaque (1699) emphasized Mentor as a character, and so it was that in French (1749) and English (1750) mentor, going back through Latin to a Greek name, became a common noun meaning "wise counselor." Mentor is an appropriate name for such a person because it probably meant "adviser" in Greek.

”Coaching is a profession of love. You can't coach people unless you love them”. Eddie Robinson
Training is about teaching or instructing a particular skill or knowledge and is normally given in a formal environment. Coaching, on the other hand, is about increasing an individual's knowledge and thought processes with a particular task or process. It creates a supportive environment that develops critical thinking skills, ideas, and behaviors about a subject. Although it is closely tied to training, it is more personal and intimate in nature.

“You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him find it within himself.” – Galileo Galilei

The main difference between a coaching and training is that the former is normally done in real time. That is, it is performed on the job. The coach uses real tasks and problems to help the learner increase his or her performance. While with training, learning is performed within the classroom and often from a teacher –learner perspective. Changing ones job title and job description will not change the inner language that imparts outward change. Coaching is primarily about an inner passion to influence others by revealing how great one can become. Without first imparting an inner hunger to change, any external change will be provisional or temporal at best.

“A good coach will make his players see what they can become rather than what they are.” – Ara Parseghian

Mentoring is more career developing in nature, while training and coaching are more task or process orientated. Also, mentoring relies on the mentor's specific knowledge and wisdom, while coaching and training relies on facilitation and developmental skills. Although there are these differences, you could say that the three are synergistic and complementary, rather than mutually exclusive as most people would agree that a good coach trains and mentors, a good trainer coaches and mentors, and a good mentor trains and coaches.

“Make something of yourself. Try your best to get to the top, if that’s where you want to go, but know that the more people you try to take with you, the faster you’ll get there and the longer you’ll stay there.” – James A. Autry

Coaching has been defined as:

1) The processes of encouraging the individual to improve both job skills and knowledge (Hahne & Schultze, 1996),

2) To assist in problem solving or mastering new skills (Bittel & Newstrom, 1996),

3) and the process of providing others with valuable information so that the organization learns (Schon, 1983).

Life is not defined by the cards your dealt, but by how you use them. We can fold, bluff or use them. I have had a few bum cards dealt me over the years, but I am still in the game of my life!

Over the years I have learned one critical factor that is paramount to address prior to embarking on any training process and it is this. "One will never change the individual or organisation without first changing the culture by which it does business." If the culture is mediocre, its outcome will never be excellent. If an individual is content with life as it is, ones spirit will never strive for anything great.

"Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning".- Benjamin Franklin

Anyone for a melon?

Is My Integrity Showing

2010-11-02T01:08:00.000-07:00

Is my integrity showing?

Integrity is a word that is used less these days than in previous generations. It is often misunderstood and is easier to preach than it is to live. Integrity is a fundamental pillar of character and as such says more about ones inner strength than it does ones outward persona.

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. ~Alan Simpson

Integrity definition: “The state of being whole, unimpaired or sound.”

I would like to believe that I consider myself to place high regard on integrity, yet it is one of those fundamental principles that when one considers it in high regard, one is challenged at the point of belief. Similarly when one believes one is humble, one becomes proud of the fact and all assurance is lost.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. ~James D. Miles

We only truly own that which we hold under pressure and Integrity is fought for on a daily basis. Not on the battlefield as the knights and warriors of old, but in the quiet simplicity of an untruth told or a promise overlooked. Children have a way of making life real and exposing the frailties of our word to them. I long remember promising one of my children I would be home in time to play in the park, but wasn’t. The pain I sensed as a result of looking into the face of disappointment, lives with me even today and serves as a reminder that integrity is not just for “big issues”, but for life.

There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience. ~French Proverb

I was born in an era where ones name was regarded as the most precious asset one could own. My dad often reminded me of how much my behaviour was linked to my name. I don’t believe this opinion was anything to do with “saving face” but rather, respect for those who had gone before and those who would become synonymous with my deeds. These days of celebrity game shows, big brother houses and all manner of shows that seek to lower the levels of human depravity in the name of being famous, I wonder where the concept of integrity would be placed, if at all.

Character is higher than intellect. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Integrity is by definition about soundness and surety. Buildings that lose their integrity lose inner strength and all that hinges upon its structure is at risk. Inner soundness ensures outer integrity. In today’s society where image is king, and perception is seen as reality, or “what you see is what you get”, we are drawn into the philosophy that image is everything. Should we allow this subtlety to define our inner character, we forfeit true value in exchange for an ever changing perception on reality.

You do not wake up one morning a bad person. It happens by a thousand tiny surrenders of self-respect to self-interest. ~Robert Brault,

Integrity is all about taking personal responsibility and ownership for things that others wouldn’t. The cost of integrity is high, but we only understand its true cost when it is up for sale. I’m not sure Integrity can be taught, (like gardening or surfing) as it has more to do with how we respond to the challenges of inner strength or weakness. It can certainly be caught by being around those who live by it, but we only truly own it when we have to exercise it under duress.

You can out-distance that which is running after you, but not what is running inside you. ~Rwandan Proverb

Here are a few ways your integrity will show.

1. A person of integrity cares. They care about the things around them and in particularly have a sense of ownership in the workplace. They care about the customer, the product and the job. They don’t seek out greater remuneration, recognition or title prior to caring, they just care! When company catch phrase is “I don’t care”, the person of integrity does.

2. A person’s integrity shows whenever they honour truthfulness and seek to speak truth regardless of the temptation to do otherwise. Truth is sweet to a person of integrity, and confidence is found in those that rely upon their word.

3. People of integrity never appear superior to others. Their integrity is real and keeps them grounded in the grace that is found in the knowledge that to err is human. Integrity accepts personal responsibility but looks for ways to improve.

My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there. ~Indira Gandhi

Ps, take a closer look at the picture. The integrity of the building is a safegueard to the keeper in the storm.

The Tests Of Life

2010-10-14T01:05:00.000-07:00

The tests of life.

No matter which way one puts it, Life is all about tests. Some we welcome and others we avoid like the plague. The older one becomes, the more skilled one gets towards avoiding them or embracing them as a source of betterment.

No test seems plausible at the time, but by learning the process, we ensure we are better equipped when the test comes around again. In theory!

“To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.” Bernard Edmonds

Education is fundamentally a process in which one is exposed to a series of experiences and skills which instruct and equip us for life. Education in its self doesn’t initiate, but it does prepare us.

Definition:

1. The act or process of educating or being educated.

2. The knowledge or skill obtained or developed by a learning process.

3. A program of instruction of a specified kind or level

4. An instructive or enlightening experience:

Life was never meant to be measured by awards gained or ticks achieved, it is meant to be about living “in the process" and maturing as a result of the experiences that have been provided through the process that tests will bring. Living life focused purely on the results is devoid of the learning process. It improves no one and cheats only ones self.

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.” Tom Brodett

I spend a considerable amount of time working in the education sector, providing training and personal development. It never ceases to amaze me just how many people misunderstand the core value and ethos of education. It’s incredible the length that some students will go to, in order to short cut the process in preference for attaining the result, void of the experience.

A test will reveal as much about the person taking the test as it will the subject being taken. Every test in life is tailor made for the person taking it. If we live a life of avoidance, we will get to take the test again. Why? The process is more beneficial to our growth in life, than the test itself.

“The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do.” John W Holt

I well remember the driving lessons I took as a teenager. They were laughable, as I lurched from one gear change to another. The grinding of gears, frayed tempers and “bunny hopping” from one lane to the next as everyone within walking distance was exposed to my “learning process”. Although I wanted my driving license, had it been issued to me without the prolonged process, it would not have improved my ability to drive. Surely, the process is what ensures I am capable of passing the test with proven experience? These days I drive HT trucks, HG Trailers, Buses, Mobile homes, automatic and manual transmission and have the license to prove it.

“Wise are they who have learned these truths: Trouble is temporary. Time is tonic. Tribulation is a test tube.” William Arthur Ward

How one handles oneself in the test says more about oneself than the answers ever will.

"The test of a good teacher is not how many questions he can ask his pupils that they will answer readily, but how many questions he inspires them to ask him, which he finds it hard to answer”

Next time you become aware of a test in your life, remeber this thought!

For the pearl to be created, the oyster needed an irritant.

Iv'e Been Thinking: Hoy YOU!

2010-09-09T01:26:00.000-07:00

Iv'e Been Thinking: Hoy YOU!: "Hoy You! Recently, I have been spending time providing support within a cooking school for future chefs. Many of the students have their f..."

Hoy YOU!

2010-09-09T01:24:00.000-07:00

Hoy You!

Recently, I have been spending time providing support within a cooking school for future chefs. Many of the students have their focus elsewhere, but have presently decided to grace us with their presence in the hallowed halls of learning. Many of the students have the ethos that if they ignore what I say, I will eventually give up and move to the Bahamas where I will blithely sip piña colada through a crystal straw and dream of England winning the world cup? Fat chance on both counts!

No, I am here to stay and despite the shortcomings of my present soiree, I have the bit between my teeth and leeks at the ready we head once again to the battlefields of crème de Crecy and Vichyssoise, in the hope that today will fair greater than my last sauté or should I say sortie?

It is great to be a part of educating the younger generation, but often times it goes beyond exasperation and into the realms of unbelief, as I use every bit of cunning and guile to re-direct their focus and willfulness. Over the past few weeks I have collected a few of the sound bites that I have hurled across the steaming presses in the hope that rather than flying strait through their ear space, they might hover for a while amidst the grey matter, before stumbling haplessly through space and crashing to the ground, never to be considered again.

"OK let me say it again....don't stir the pot, don't stir the pot"! What did I say students? 'Don't stir the pot Chef!". Fine!!!! HOY, YOU! Why are you stirring the POT? What did I say "Don't stir the pot chef"

“HOY YOU! Yes you! What knife do we use to fillet fish”? ”A filleting knife Chef”! “What’s that in your hand?”. “Fish Chef”, “NO THE OTHER HAND!” “Oh, a boning knife Chef”. ” And what do we use a boning knife for?”. ” Meat Chef!” “What are we doing today?” “Filleting fish Chef”

“Hoy You! Where’s your apron?” “I left it at home Chef”, “why, was it ill or something”, “no Chef I forgot it”, “well go home and re-unite yourself with your poorly pinny”.

“Hoy you! What’s the rule about mobile phones being used in my kitchen”? Sorry chef, I forgot to switch it off! “Fine, I may just forget to let you go home”, “It’s Off Chef”

“Hoy! Has anyone seen my glasses?” “Yes Chef” (they all shout back). ” Well, I’m waiting”, “They’re on your head Chef (giggle).

“What are you doing with that butter?” “Weighing it Chef”. “How much do you want?” “500 grams Chef”. What weight does it say on the packet?”. “500 grams Chef!

“Hoy! Watch my lips! Do not put the bowl on the heat it will cook the yolks! What did I say?” “Don’t put the bowl on the heat Chef”. “Chef, my yolks have gone all funny”. “Where are they geographically located?”

………

“I won’t say this again, so listen up. This species of fish have spikes all the way along the dorsal fin. They are lethal and if you handle them wrongly” (interrupted by screams, squealing and whimpering) “Arghhh, ah ah ah ah, that hurt Chef”. “Oh brother, first aid kit please”

“These Knives are razor sharp! They are not play things, they are professional tools, designed to separate meat from bone” “What are they designed to do?” “Separate meat from bone chef” “The steel is the same steel the Samurai used for their swords, hot and cold, pressed tempered and refined steel. What are they designed to do?” “Separate meat from bone chef.” “Today’s lesson is cutting Sashimi. This is fish, this is………First aid kit please”

Fathers Day Message

2010-09-04T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today is father’s day in New Zealand / Australia, and as a father (even a grandfather now), I have had the privilege of experiencing the joy and pain of parenthood. Everyone has had a father in life (good, bad or indifferent). It never ceases to amaze me how some people are empowered by that experience and others disempowered. I have been blessed to have had a great father and now I am experiencing life without one. However, there comes a time in life when we become the peer that we once looked to and the process continues. It is appropriate that on this father’s day, we consider how our heavenly father views His earthly family.

Now before your rush away from the mention of God or Church, why not just read through the blog? No one is watching, and you just may find some points of interest that could help you to raise a world changer.

"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."

When God builds He builds for permanence and builds three ways:

By Revelation - Matt 16:16

Peter’s revelation was the basis on which the New Testament Church was founded. Not as some would believe (upon Peter, the rock), but upon the revelation of “The Rock” being Christ. It is only upon this revelation that we are a global Family or commonly referred to as the body of Christ.

Relationally 1Cor 12:12

We are joined as a family. A body with its joints out of place is disjointed. Not only does this cause extreme discomfort but this Schism, makes normal operation almost impossible. We are many members, many parts, but are but one body. In a scriptural sense, the house is a reference to people, not a building Psalm 23:6 Mark 3:25 (This house if divided cannot withstand pressures that may come upon it, in the day to day storms that life brings). It was always Gods plan to give cities to families not individuals. The Church that favours building families will always be building according to the pattern that God intended. We live in an age where there is almost a persistent attack on family values and the minimization or re-defining of what a family is. Excuse me for not buying into this humanistic rhetoric, but I choose to build according to the pattern defined by scripture and not according to the shifting tide of opinion. The family is God’s living epistle to world 2 cor 3:2

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me”.

Generationally

God is referred to as the God of Abraham , Isaac , and Jacob. The Old Testament is full of genealogy and references to family names. Why is that? God builds generationally, one generation upon another. Growth and maturity comes as we relate to others. Often the greatest challenges we may experience can be within our Church or genetic family. It is in this arena that growth is fashioned under pressure. (As Moses was faithful Heb 3 :1 )

The Hebrews model of maturity is seen in relationships, not as the Greeks saw maturity being knowledge. Maturity is a matter of Attitude / spirit Rom 8:14-19. God builds by adding to the family, not swapping / Franchising Acts 2:41; 47.

The old saying, “blood is thicker than water”, is a truism. In that blood is D.N.A. and it is that D.N.A. that makes us who we are. 1 PETER 1:23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.

In the Old Testament, the Prophets were Servants (God couldn’t Build the Church on them), but The New Testament experience is Son ship. (God will build the Church on them!) Romans 8

Gods answer was to send a Son not a servant (Gal 4;4)

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard. Mother would come out and say, "You're tearing up the grass." "We're not raising grass," Dad would reply. "We're raising boys." Harmon Killebrew

How you serve IN THE KINGDOM / CHURCH is based on how you see yourself. The difference between a Servant and a Slave is “ATTITUDE.” When the Apostle Paul was in chains in prison, five times his confession was he was in chains to Christ, not the Roman government. Eph 3:1, Eph 4:1, 2Tim 1:8, Phile 1:1, 1:9, how we serve is in direct relationship to who we serve. A son has ownership in the family business (a stakeholder), a servant just clocks on and clocks off. He has neither ownership nor investment in its success or failure. His perception is not of the seed of greatness within, but the greater force without.

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. Clarence Budington Kelland

Being a great father is more about the principle of Investment and trust in the D.N.A.

On this father’s day, why not take time to give thanks for the seed of greatness within you and the potential in your own children. If we take the time to encourage them today, we will have the privilege of seeing their growth tomorrow.

And in the immortal words of Red Buttons “Never raise your hands to your kids….it leaves your groin exposed”

Interested in reading the whole message? Visit the resources page on my site and look on the notes section for building families Gods way

2010-08-19T23:57:00.000-07:00

My Brain Hurts!

I just can’t help it, when I get to thinking about stuff; I seem to awaken more opposition to the solution than I do the resolve. I have been studying the thought “What Is Truth” and whilst it is easy enough to come up with a contrite statement that will satisfy the ear, somehow it just unravels many of the theories and observations those years of learning have established. I mean, who decides what is truth?

The forceps of our minds are clumsy things and crush the truth a little in the course of taking hold of it. ~H.G. Wells

I have been putting together some blog thoughts over the past few weeks and as a result have ended up having to further research the model by which many scientific arguments are presented. Problem is, many of the arguments used to dispel a theory from being accepted as a fact, are now being ignored when it comes to presenting so called evidence in favour for establishing a theory as a fact. What am I talking about, the great debate between intelligent design and evolution?

Our job is not to make up anybody's mind, but to open minds and to make the agony of the decision-making so intense you can escape only by thinking. ~Author Unknown

“I believe that one day the Darwinian myth will be ranked the greatest deceit in the history of science. When this happens, many people will pose the question; How did this ever happen?” Lovtrup Soren.

People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. ~Soren Kierkegaard

Darwin himself made this observation on his THEORY, “If it could be demonstrated that any complex organ existed which could not possibly have been formed by numerous, successive, slight modifications, my theory would absolutely break down" – cited in Michael J Behe, Darwins black box p39

Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought. ~John F. Kennedy

Since the opening up of Darwins “black box” (Nuclear Genetics), science is without a rational defense in support of this theory. Yet they persist in riding it! Why?

Perhaps it is to preserve the theory that has become more of a stance against intelligent design than the pursuit of scientific evidence? A refusal to go to the scientific evidence is not a scientific hypothesis, yet science still clings to a leaking theory.

Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again? ~Winnie the Pooh

“To Darwin, the cell was a black box, its inner workings were utterly mysterious to him. Now the black box has been opened up and we know how it works. Applying Darwin’s test to the ultra-complex world of molecular machinery and cellular systems that have been discovered over the past forty years, we can say that Darwin’s theory has absolutely broken down”. cited in Michael J Behe, Darwins black box p39

No matter where you go or what you do, you live your entire life within the confines of your head. ~Terry Josephson

You see, if the theory of evolution has become a fact (as many would iterate), then one would have to substantiate it scientifically. Francis Crick – Nobel prize winner and evolutionist said in Life Itself; it’s origin and nature. p88 “An honest man armed with all the knowledge available to us now, could only state that in some sense, the origin of life appears at the moment to be almost a miracle, so many are the conditions that would have to have been satisfied to get it going".

If we are to conclude that science itself is now being driven by a culture and philosophy of preference and belief, we do well to judge it by our own. If science is now presenting philosophical ideals as the philosophers of old did, then excuse me if I stick to my steadfast anchor as they float into the cosmos somewhere in pursuit of another black box.

The world we have created is a product of our thinking; it cannot be changed without changing our thinking. ~Albert Einstein

Inside Out

2010-08-17T01:51:00.000-07:00

INSIDE OUT

A man's mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Raise your hands if you are experiencing some “dealings” in your life presently! I see that hand! Welcome to personal development 101. I have had my fair share of dealings in life and they seem to have stepped up of late. In fact, if medals were issued for shoveling from beneath what’s been dumped on oneself, I reckon I would get gold! Seriously, there is some poetic justice that seems to brighten up our day, as we hear of another’s misfortune.

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it. John Ruskin

I love the Monty Python sketch “four Yorkshire lads” talk about “The good old days,” whilst reminiscing upon the pain and injustice they had experienced. “Aye” says Michael Palin “sheer luxury.”

When it comes right down to it, all you have is your self. Your Self is a sun with a thousand rays...
Pablo Picasso

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. John Heider

Talent (we are told), will open the door of opportunity to us, but character will keep us there. Each week, we watch talented sports people play out their talents for ridiculously obscene amounts of money, yet under the pressure of daily life, their true character is revealed. Pick up any morning paper and compare the escapades of celebrities and the privileged few, revealing what goes on outside of the spotlight. You and I may never have the gaze of public adornment to contend with but never the less our character is on full view during times of hardship, privilege and pressure. A friend of mine Robert Ferguson has a saying “If you want to know what’s in a man’s heart, drop a brick on his foot”. Discomfort has a way of exposing our frailties, which is why the hard times present us with an opportunity to grow from the inside out. What goes on externally effects what is developed within us?

Illness

Unemployment

Relational breakdown

Bereavement

Finances

Gossip

Misunderstanding

Neighbours

Accidents and many more will all eventually reveal what is truly within our character.

I'm convinced that we can write and live our own scripts more than most people will acknowledge. I also know the price that must be paid. It's a real struggle to do it. It requires visualization and affirmation. It involves living a life of integrity, starting with making and keeping promises, until the whole human personality the senses, the thinking, the feeling, and the intuition are ultimately integrated and harmonized.
Stephen Covey

My mum always had a saying, “I used to complain I had no shoes, until I saw a man with no feet.” Monty Python said, “We were poor but we were happy, aye we were happy because we were poor”.

So how is life and living treating you?

One of the marks of excellent people is that they never compare themselves with others. They only compare themselves with themselves and with their past accomplishments and future potential. Brian Tracy

Whatever life has had in store for you of late, it’s all about the development within that reveals how much we are truly growing. So take a deep breath, pick up the shovel and Hi Ho Hi Ho, It’s off to work we go, with a knife and fork and a belly full of pork, Hi Ho, Hi Ho!

Change Is As Good As a Rest.

2010-08-05T02:15:00.000-07:00

Change is as good as a rest.

You can avoid having ulcers by adapting to the situation: If you fall in the mud puddle, check your pockets for fish. ~Author Unknown

CHANGE! The very word is enough to frighten most of us land lubbers into panic and trauma.

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery. ~Harold Wilson

It’s a word that often has negative connotations. Woman approaching menopause refers to ‘THE CHANGE”, mostly with emotions of anxiety and dread. Babies dislike it, despite their well-being and the aromatic benefits to anyone down wind. Regardless of one’s personal preference towards change, it is inevitable. Change is the only constant in life. In fact, without it we all die. Our red blood cells are renewed every three months, brain cells daily.

Without accepting the fact that everything changes, we cannot find perfect composure. But unfortunately, although it is true, it is difficult for us to accept it. Because we cannot accept the truth of transience, we suffer. ~Shunryu Suzuki

This week I had a conference to attend in the City. I avoid the City like the plague for reasons of well-being and to minimize the effect of the thronging crowds, limited parking and queues of stress heads, racing from one destination to another. It’s a proven fact that our heart rates increase in such environs and I for one don’t need it or want it. Now it is some years since I had worked there, but today I visited my favourite coffee shop to find that not only does it not sell coffee, but it has been replaced with a three storey multi-media complex. The friendly faces are gone and so was my almond croissant. It’s now a choice of burritos or sushi, slush puppy or chai latte, Katy Perry or Jason Derulo for goodness sake!

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine. ~Robert C. Gallagher

Am I showing my age?

Time is a dressmaker specializing in alterations. ~Faith Baldwin

To those born before 1950. We are the survivors. Consider the changes we have witnessed.

We were born before: penicillin, polio shots, frozen food, Xerox, contact lenses, Frisbees, the pill and before television came to (New Zealand). We were before credit cards, ballpoint pens and laser beams. Before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes driers, electric blankets, air and hair-conditioners, drip-dry clothes and before man walked on the moon.

Togetherness: We got married first, and then lived together. We were before househusbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers and computer marriages. We were before day care centres, group therapy and nursing homes. We had never heard of FM radio, tape decks, electric typewriters, artificial hearts, word processors, yoghurt, and guys wearing earrings.

For us timesharing meant togetherness - not computers, Holiday homes and motels; a "chip" meant a piece of wood, or fried potato, hardware meant household tools, and software wasn't even a word.
In 1950, "Made in Japan" meant junk and “making out" referred to how you did in an exam.
McDonalds, Kentucky Fried, Starbucks and instant coffee were unheard of.

In our day, cigarette smoking was fashionable, grass was mowed, coke was a soft drink and pot was something you cooked in. Rock music was Grandma’s lullaby, "Aids" were helpers and "gay" meant you were happy,

...Difference: We were certainly not before the difference between the sexes was discovered - but we were before the sex change. We made do with what we had and were dumb enough to think you needed a husband to have a baby.

No wonder we're so confused and there's such a generation gap! But we survived. What better reason to celebrate?

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. ~Anatole France

My Knight In Shining Armour

2010-08-03T23:03:00.000-07:00

My Knight In Shining Armour

How often has that term been used as the epitome of the perfect man? It conjures up an image of the knight on horseback racing to the rescue of a damsel in distress, and with one foul swoop defeats all foes before him, assails the castle walls and rescues his queen to a life of happy ever after. Wow!

In Medieval times, Chivalry was the code by which all noble knights were governed. Only those of honourable birth and standing could take up the office.

13th Century conventions of chivalry directed that men should honor, serve, and do nothing to displease ladies and maidens. Knights were members of the noble class socially as bearers of arms, economically as owners of horse and armor, and officially through religious-oriented ceremony.

More than a code of manners in war and love, Chivalry was a moral system, governing the whole of noble life...—Barbara W. Tuchman, A Distant Mirror

Whilst I recognize that times have changed, some for the good and some for the bad, I can’t help but feel society as a whole has become far too familiar with itself. The pursuit of equality and parity has robbed us of innocence and honour. Not so long ago I kept the door held open whilst leaving a store for the following customer, (which happened to be a female). She cursed at me and was clearly livid at the prospect of a male treating her as inferior. I was doing what I always do, using my manners. Are we so full of our plight, that any offer of humanity is perceived as being superior?

The institution of chivalry forms one of the most remarkable features in the history of the middle Ages. Horatio Alger

I wonder whether our society has changed so much that the difference between the sexes is now seen purely as one of superiority or inferiority. There is a great quote “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission”. Inferiority is never overcome by imposing ones superiority on another. Chivalry, gallantry, honour, respect, defender, protector, are those virtues really so bad? Do females no longer dream of having someone to provide honour and treat them with respect as a fair maiden?

Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left un-redressed on earth. Charles Kingsley

You who long for the Knightly Order,
It is fitting you should lead a new life;
Devoutly keeping watch in prayer,
Fleeing from sin, pride and villainy;
The Church defending,
The Widows and Orphans succouring.
Be bold and protect the people,
Be loyal and valiant, taking nothing from others.
Thus should a Knight rule himself.

He should be humble of heart and always work,
And follow Deeds of Chivalry.;
Be loyal in war and travel greatly;
He should frequent tourneys and joust for his Lady Love;
He must keep honor with all,
So that he cannot be held to blame.
No cowardice should be found in his doings,
Above all, he should uphold the weak,
Thus should a Knight rule himself.
— Eustace Deschamps

I can’t help but feel that most men have in-built within them, the desire to protect and provide. Perhaps this is the reason for their pursuit of knightly orders and contact sports. Since all the dragons are slew and maidens no longer desire (or would tolerate) being rescued, gallantry is no longer a code to live by, but fuel to be used in defense of how more enlightened we are today. No knights, no damsels, no dragons, no heroes, no vanquished foe, no chivalry.

The age of chivalry has gone; the age of humanity has come. - Charles Sumner

Friends, Who Needs Em?

2010-08-03T02:04:00.000-07:00

Friends, who needs em?

“No man is an Island”

Years ago as an apprentice chef, I was employed by a landed gentry family, who owned a classic English estate. Each week the owner would jot down cryptic comments and supposed motivational / correctional notes on my clocking in card. On one such occasion, was the above quote. It was meant as a reminder to me of the need of others in order to achieve ones personal goals. It was some years later that I eventually grasped the true meaning.

“No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee. John Donne, Meditation XVII English clergyman & poet (1572 - 1631)

Ones view of friendships may change with the circumstances in which a friend is involved. We all have stores of disappointment and betrayal in which a friend’s colours are nailed to the mast. Sadly, we often miss the opportunity of developing a good friendship into a great one, due to feelings of disappointment and broken trust. It is at times such as this we may ask, “Friends, who needs em?”

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. Mother Teresa

As the poet John Donne observed, every one of us is part of the whole, which is mankind. As independent and adrift as we may become, we are no less part of what was built into the fabric of humanity.

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them. Dalai Lama

Growing a friendship is akin to growing a rose. Care and attention is needed in all four seasons in order to benefit from the sweetness of the bloom in summer. As a gardener, I always find the pruning season of least satisfaction. It somehow pains me to cut back and prune healthy plants. Every gardener knows that without it, the results aren’t as good. Friendships also require such care and attention and even if there is no visible bloom in progress, the preparation for the bloom is still underway. Maybe one of you friendships is presently in the dormant stage, keep the season in mind and remember “even though we can’t see the sun through the clouds, it’s still bringing warmth and heat to sustain us all. Somewhere in the world, someone is enjoying the warmth on their face.

Top Ten Issues that strain friendships to breaking point:

1. Betrayal

2. Lack of Trust

3. Lack of respect

4. Lack of genuine love

5. Criticism and lies

6. Lack of belief in

7. Controlling and overbearing

8. Lack of awareness of others (selfish)

9. Limiting perception of potential

10. Unwilling or unable to say sorry (poor communication)

"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light." - Helen Keller

Perhaps the greatest friendship one can experience is that of a successful marriage, but a successful marriage doesn’t happen, it takes majour attention, consideration and unselfishness.

According to Dr. Kenneth Bateman of Amber University, one of the main reasons for marriage breakups is ineffective communication about significant topics that concern the marriage. The inability to compromise to find a resolution to issues such as control, money, independence and children is a byproduct of poor communication.

"Friendship that flows from the heart cannot be frozen by adversity, as the water that flows from the spring cannot congeal in winter." - James Fenimore Cooper

Friendships may indeed place a greater demand on our resources and indeed open us up like a surgeon at times, but in the end, real friendships cost us everything. That which we value, we honour and that which we honour we prioritise. If we have friends that treat us as such in our life, we are truly blessed. If we behave this way to others, we are a true friend!

Friends, who need em? We all do!

When Good Friendships Turn Bad part two

2010-07-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

When good frienships go bad Part 2

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them.
Francesco Guicciardini

Friendships happen as we find some characteristic that we initially admire and are ultimately drawn toward. As in any relationship over time, the things we admire and find attractive often become the things that irritate us. There are a myriad of reasons for a friendship to go bad, but in my experience there are usually unknown factors, that were they better understood, could strengthen the relationship rather than conclude it.

I always felt that the great high privilege, relief and comfort of friendship, was that one had to explain nothing.
Katherine Mansfield

I love that quote, it epitomizes the DNA of friendship. When one has to defend ones character or decision making in order to maintain the relationship, that friendship is already in danger of going bad. I suppose its part of today’s values system that is found in a disposable society. Decisions no longer form part of the common good, rather our selfish intent. The older generation were foolish enough to believe “till death us do part,” meant that. No clauses, no loop holes, just pure fortitude and a “work it out” mentality. I was fortunate enough to see that principle in action through my parents.

I have found that the greater the relationship, the fewer the rules are needed to sustain it. As a parent raising children, the early stages of the relationship seems to be more of what the child can’t do, than what it can. ‘No” is included in most sentences and the relationship is more of an “I know best”. As ones children grow into mature adults, the relationship changes. Now we solicit their opinions and engage in a frank exchange of views, even if we disagree with their decision, we honour the relationship and remain available if things go wrong. That’s what friends do, isn’t it?

Many a person has held close, throughout their entire lives, two friends that always remained strange to one another, because one of them attracted by virtue of similarity, the other by difference.
Emil Ludwig

Most relationships break down through misunderstanding. Poor or corrupt communication, serves only to inflame a situation and words used as weapons, will build an impenetrable hedge of offence. In my years of counseling, I can assure you that an offense taken personally can ruin lives. An offense taken on behalf of another is even more disabling, as it creates a triangle of association. I have known entire organizations that are crippled in their mission and interpersonal relationships as a result of an historical offence, and it all happened with someone taking the bait.

The word scandalize, comes from a root word called “scandalon”. Its meaning (in old English terms) was a strip of leather that hunters would use to hang a piece of meat over a pit. The wild animal would come along and reach out to snag the tasty morsel, but instead of having a nice feed; it would over balance and fall into the pit, becoming trapped.

How tempting is it, to take the bait of offence and scandalize for our own ends, only to become entrapped with its consequences?

“When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.” Epictetus

A brother offended [is harder to be won] than a strong city, And contentions are like the bars of a castle. Proverbs 18:19. NASB

Sadly, many of us seek to take the moral high ground over an issue, rather than just saying sorry. Sorry doesn’t mean you are wrong, it just means you prefer to lose the argument and keep the friendship.

It takes a long time to grow an old friend. John Leonard

When good friendships go bad, it requires one to place a higher value on the friendship. Making friends is the easy part, keeping them through the issues of life requires courage. If we think we are spiritual then we are the ones that should show it. Galatians 6:1-2

A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world. Leo Buscaglia

Finally, why not consider the following quote:

I value the friend who for me finds time on his calendar, but I cherish the friend who for me does not consult his calendar. Robert Brault

When Good Friendships Turn Bad

2010-07-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

When Good Friendships Turn Bad:

I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. Plutarch

It’s happened to most of us and if it hasn’t happened yet, brace yourself, because it probably will. Despite our best intentions and attempts, good friendships can and do turn bad.

Many years ago as a tutor working with unemployed youngsters, I met a young man who was infectious in his zeal for life and fun. As soon as he arrived at the facility, he began laughing and joking with his counterparts and within days was the centre of most activity. Pretty soon the laughter turned to raised voices and anguish, as tempers flared with disagreements emerging. What had begun as a positive start to his course had deteriorated into his decision to quit and move on. I remember questioning him as to the source of the issue and his response was stunning. “I have never had problems making friends, I just can’t keep them”.

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them. Francesco Guicciardini

In my City, statistics tell me that people move house once every five years and change their job every three to five years. We live in a time where consistency of employment and commitment to our employer is not as it were thirty years ago. Gone are the days of one employer for life. If you are living in the home where you were born, you are unique. This means that the likely hood of us continuing our childhood friendships is rare. If you are, you are truly blessed.

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man, friendship.
William Blake

With every new encounter comes the opportunity to begin afresh. Most of us relish new challenges as any failures can be left where they belong. Sadly, this makes for a transient attitude towards commitment and in particular longevity in friendships.

One of the buzz words that permeate through most organizations these days is “Leadership.” Another one is “Mentoring.” Also the term “Coaching,” has become popular. All these terms infer influence from one person to another. In my early career days it was the term “Apprentice.” I prefer the term “Friendship,” but that requires more than the input of my skills and knowledge, it requires my all. Good, bad and ugly!

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.
Albert Schweitzer

The power of friendship is perhaps one of the greatest gifts a human being can experience. It can empower us to take on the impossible, to venture into realms of the unthinkable. In simpler terms, it can make life worth living. I don’t believe life was meant to be a solitary experience in fact I believe we excel with others to share the journey and load. But what happens when good friendships turn bad? What would a good friend do in such circumstances?

We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.
Joseph Roux

Most of the tragedies’ in life don’t require an answer or a verbal response. If they did, chances are, words wouldn’t cut it anyway. As humans, we respond to warm support. On the death of my father (my best friend in life), there were no words that could satisfy my loss. What helped was a strong warm hug from an old school friend whose eyes were as full as mine.

The sad part in life is those friends are few and far between. We become so pre-occupied with the affairs of life and living, that we miss more opportunities to strengthen our friendships than we connect with.

Friendships take time, and they are forged primarily in times of misunderstanding and need. “A friend in need is a friend indeed” and without doubt, the true friendships we hold to, are those we are committed to despite opportunities to sever them.

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.
Henri Nouwen

Let me ask you a powerful question? It’s one of those questions that reveal more about oneself than facilitating information.

Make a list of those past friendships you once held important to yourself and alongside their names identify whether you are the richer or poorer for no longer having them in your life?

Further to that list, ask yourself this question. “Am I the type of friend I want as my friend?”

True friendships are forged by a decision of our will, not by our shifting emotions. To have friends one must first be friendly.

You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.
Laurence J. Peter

The Tests Of Life part 2

2010-07-26T01:02:00.000-07:00

The Tests Of Life part two

Perhaps the biggest challenges in life are those which come when least expected. When one can prepare one’s self for a pending disaster, one has a sense of preparation, which builds a level of confidence. Not so, with those “out of the blue” experiences. These are the ones that often take the wind out of our sails and throw the compass off “true north”.

“True heroism consists in being superior to the ills of life, in whatever shape they may challenge us to combat” ~ Napoleon Bonaparte

I believe the only thing we take with us when we die, is the character we formed whilst on it. Not the accolade of man, nor the trappings and treasures we have accumulated. The legacy we leave behind is the example we showed during the times of adversity and blessing. Yes that’s right! The way we handle good times is equally as challenging to our character as the bad times.

“Praise and criticism should go in the rubbish bin”. This was a piece of wisdom I was given in my formative years of public speaking. Both can kill you. Either ones ego becomes bolstered and we get a big head or it gets deflated and we lack confidence to continue.

“The Lord gets His best soldiers out of the highlands of affliction.”
Charles H. Spurgeon (English preacher of 19th century 1834-1892)

Life has the capacity to makes us “bitter or better”. Like the analogy of the uncut diamond, its true beauty is only created under extreme pressure and released through being ground and cut. Amazingly, its true value is only ever achieved when the work has been done. As with life, it will either polish us up or grind us down.

If we are smart in handling the tests in life, we will be better equipped when they come around next time. The tests we encounter in life are constant. They are not like a grade test; they are continual. The way we respond to them determines their frequency.

“Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise. Many men know a great deal, and are all the greater fools for it. There is no fool so great a fool as a knowing fool. But to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.” Charles H. Spurgeon

Seasons come around each year and with them comes preparation particular to that season. The key is being prepared with the tools that are applicable to that season. Have you ever tried to plant potatoes or strawberries in winter? Not only is the ground hard and difficult to prepare, but any effort to plant, will soon suffer the consequences of that season.

Here are some tests that we all face during our lifetime.

1. The Time Test - Not everything happens as we would like it. However, all things in life have a time frame that if we mess with, we suffer the consequences. A premature baby requires more resources, more attention and care, so it is with a dream or vision that is ahead of its time. Your gift and talent may well open the door for you, but it’s your character that will keep you there. Character is formed through tests. Hijack this process and rest assured there will be a re-sit.

2. The Character Test – Boundaries and Values:
'Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are'. John Wooden, former coach of the UCLA Bruins basketball team, quoted in Sanctity of Life, C. Swindoll, Word, 1990, p. 91.

“If we don’t stand for something we will fall for anything”.

Boundaries are imposed limits that both restrict and safeguard our limitations. To live outside of a boundary is to welcome tests. These are laws.
“Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is. If there are rats in a cellar, you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats; it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way, the suddenness of the provocation does not make me ill-tempered; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. C.S.Lewis

One of my mentors (some 20 years ago), told me what he considered to be the two most important criteria for selecting his male leaders.

1. Whether they picked litter up or walked past it.
2. How they treat their wives.

It never made sense to me until years later and now it does.

Fame is a vapor,
Popularity an accident.
Riches take wings.
Only one thing endures,
Character. Horace Greely

The Tests Of Life part 1

2010-07-22T02:58:00.000-07:00

The Tests Of Life Part One

Fact: You blink twenty five times every minute. Each blink takes you about one-fifth of a second. Therefore, if you take a ten-hour car trip, averaging forty miles per hour, you will drive twenty miles with your eyes CLOSED.

A fact that is far more surprising than that. Some people go through LIFE with their eyes closed. They look but don't really "see" They observe the surface but omit the underneath.

Vision is present but perception is lost.

To those who lack this perception:

• If life were a painting, they would see colors but no genius in the strokes of the brush.
• If it were a journey, they would notice a road but not the awesome scenery.
• If it were a meal, they would eat and drink but they would overlook the exquisite beauty of the china and the delicate touch of wine in the sauce.
• If it were a poem, they would read print on the page but miss altogether the
passion of the poet..

Remove insight and suddenly we reduce life to existence with frequent flashes of boredom and indifference.

There's a lot of difference between necessary blinking and unnecessary blindness.

To be a person that has the spirit to overcome the challenges and tests in life we have to "Change" three things.

a) Ones Perspective of trouble has to change (how you view things)
b) Ones Response to trouble has to change (how you respond to things)
c) Ones Application to trouble has to change (how you learn from things

The tests and challenges one is exposed to, define ones strengths and weaknesses. It is the way we respond to such issues that determine our capacity to overcome.

The story is told of the Donkey who is thrown into a pit due to his obstinate attitude towards the farmers wishes. The farmer threw all his garbage into the pit each day and each day, the donkey climbed onto the pile and found something to eat out of it. Three weeks later the Donkey was found wandering around the field again. He had found something to feed on out of the rubbish and the rest he used to stand on and climb out of the pit.

Have you trained yourself to focus on the benefits brought through tests, to take what life throws at you and use it to your advantage?

• It's the "Inner weaknesses" that effect our "Outward strengths"
• All tests reveal Attitudes and Motives
• The value of a Test is not found in the test but what the test reveals in oneself.
• Every circumstance in our life is tailor made for us (made to measure). Not a one size fits all mentality.

There are challenges I face in life that you would probably shrug off, yet there are tests that I would confidently pass that you may fail at. Why, because we are different. We are unique and all at different stages along the path of life.

One of my favourite quotes is by Martin Luther King Jr. “The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges”.

Can I encourage you to keep in mind such words of wisdom when your day turns into a stormy challenge, for it is only when we come out of the other side of the storm, that we recognise the personal growth that has taken place? For those of you in the eye of the storm right now, hang in there and you will be amazed at the personal resources at your disposal next time round.

Time Flys Like The Wind

2010-07-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

"Time Flys Like The Wind, but Fruit Flies Like Bananas".

Don't ask me why, but that saying has followed me around since my early days of attempting humour and it is most likely from a Tommy Cooper or Spike Millegan sketch. Its great to be able to keep things in perspective and humour has a way of levelling all knowledge to the lowest common denominator.
Time on the other hand, is a very serious thing and once lost can never be regained.

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot. Michael Altshuler

Ordinary people think merely of spending time. Great people think of using it. Anon

I found this poem in my teaching notes and although I have little information on the writer, it is one of those pieces that serves to grab your heart. Especially if you too have raised children and lived to look back over those formative years of parenting. Most grand parents, seem to do a great job of parenting their grand children and I am sure its because time has a way of being better prioritised and valued as we age.

No Time to Play
My precious boy with the golden hair
Came up one day beside my chair
And fell upon his bended knee
And said, “Oh, Mommy, please play with me!”

I said, “Not now, go on and play;
I’ve got so much to do today.”
He smiled through tears in eyes so blue
When I said, “We’ll play when I get through.”

But the chores lasted all through the day
And I never did find time to play.
When supper was over and dishes done,
I was much too tired for my little son.

I tucked him in and kissed his cheek
And watched my angel fall asleep.
As I tossed and turned upon my bed,
Those words kept ringing in my head,

“Not now, son, go on and play,
I’ve got so much to do today.”
I fell asleep and in a minute’s span,
My little boy is a full-grown man.

No toys are there to clutter the floor;
No dirty fingerprints on the door;
No snacks to fix; no tears to dry;
The rooms just echo my lonely sigh.

And now I’ve got the time to play;
But my precious boy is gone away.
I awoke myself with a pitiful scream
And realized it was just a dream

For across the room in his little bed,
Lay my curly-haired boy, the sleepy-head.
My work will wait ‘til another day
For now I must find some time to play. Dianna (Mrs. Joe) Neal.

Tempus neminem manet - Time waits for no one

2010-07-19T18:02:00.000-07:00

Tempus neminem manet - Time waits for no one

"When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a Second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." -Albert Einstein, (on his theory of relativity).

Perhaps the most important commodity we have as humans is in the realm of time. Whilst I have never really been a clock watcher, I am governed by time just as yourself. Time seems to have greater meaning, relative to our age and responsibilities. One thing for sure, is it does seem to speed up the older we get. All things are relative.

Empowering Vision

I have worked for the past twenty five years advising and assisting people to find their personal and corporate vision, to better accommodate their hopes for the future. It never ceases to amaze me how many people can meander through life from one situation to another, without taking the time to define their life purpose.

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." – Will Rogers.

Living life without a defined purpose is like setting out on a journey without the use of a compass or map. It may well provide excitement for the first few days or weeks, but after thirty, forty or fifty years! Whew!

Unfortunately though, how sad it is to treat life as a daily existence. So many people live life that way, and this is living life at its poorest form.

Learn from yesterday, Live for today and always have Hope for tomorrow.

Playing my part:

Sir Michael Costa was conducting a rehearsal in which the orchestra was joined in a great chorus. About half way through the session, with the trumpets blaring, Drums rolling, and violins singing their rich melody, the Piccolo player muttered to himself, what good am I doing? I might as well not be playing. Nobody can hear me anyway! So he placed his instrument to his lips but made no sound. Within moments the conductor cried, stop! Stop! Stop! Where is the piccolo?

Perhaps many people didn't realise that the piccolo was missing, but the most important person did. So it is with our life. Our creator knows when we don't play the part that is assigned to us, even if others don't.

Let me leave you with this thought by Carl Sandburg:

“Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you”.

What a difference a day makes.

2010-07-18T18:20:00.000-07:00

What a difference a day makes

Over the recent weeks, I have been humming a song that has had me thinking about the words. “What a difference a day makes, twenty four little hours”. (Esther Philips) Twenty four hours can mean the difference between death and life, despair and hope, failure and success, losing and winning, sad and happy, the end or the beginning. Yes indeed, what a difference a day makes.

Imagine a bank that credits your account each morning with $86,400.
It carries over no balance from day to day.
Every evening deletes whatever part of the balance you failed to use during the day.
What would you do?

Draw out ALL OF IT, of course!

Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME.
Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off, as lost, whatever of this you have failed to invest to good purpose.
It carries over no balance. It allows no overdraft. Each day it opens a new account for you. Each night it burns the remains of that day.

There is no going back. There is no drawing against the "tomorrow.

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE DAY ask a grieving person
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE-SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won silver at the Olympics.

I once had the privilege of talking to one of our Olympic gold medallists in the doubles rowing. He told me that he and his partner would train for four years to shave a second of their personal best. It seems somewhat ironic to give four years of one’s life to get a second back?

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!

There are some things that have intrinsic value and others eternal. I trust that you become a wise timekeeper of that which one is allotted, for what a difference a day makes and that difference is YOU

Trails End

2010-07-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

One of my all time favourite films is “City Slickers.” A story of four friends working through their mid-life crisis, whilst learning to drove cattle through a perilous range. Fraught with mishaps and personal crisis, the journey is all about discovering ones personal values in life and in particular "the one thing" that shapes and directs who we are and yes, what inspired me to write the book and produce the D.V.D. series of the same name.

As funny as the film is, it is a jolt to us all on keeping perspective in life and living. When I was a younger man, I would laugh at the term "mid-life" crisis. A little further down the trail and now I recognize the characters from the film as bastions of rhyme and reason. Prophetic characters from a wilderness of lost expectation and he tyranny of the urgent. These days, I am more interested in quality than quantity.

Billy Crystal who played the character Mitch Robbins is talking at his sons "show and tell" grade class about "what my dad does at work."

Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions?

What an hilarious but tragic picture of a life lived so fast that at the end of the race all is a blur. I don't suppose any of us would in our darkest hours imagine that image could represent us? No WAY!!! ahumm.

We need some more wisdom from the trail hands, lol.

1.Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2.Always drink upstream from the herd.

3.There's two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.

4.Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5.We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

6.Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

7.The best way out of a difficulty is through it.

8.There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence.

9.What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.

10.Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

11.An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

12.If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

13.Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

14.Don't squat with your spurs on.

16.If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging.

17.It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Oh and number 15

Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Oh and 15. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Secret Millionaire

2010-07-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Secret Millionaire.

One of my favourite programmes on TV presently is “Secret Millionaire”. This new breed of documentary (which originated in UK and first screened in 2006), has a simple plot. Take a person of immense financial privilege and place them incognito into a geographical area of extreme lack and disparity, where their privilege and networks mean nothing. Give them housing and a financial allowance the same as an unemployment beneficiary and let them find voluntary work in the community and you have a study of human nature, par excellence.

I can’t remember a single programme that hasn’t had me in tears, as we see the human spirit soar to the heights of “humanity” at its best. Whilst it is impossible to truly know the impact on the people involved, from a viewing perspective, it would be fair to say that the characters that appear to have been impacted the most are usually the millionaires. Each programme concludes with the core purpose of the series, (to give away some of their money to those they have found to be worthy recipients).

With each programme, the “secret millionaire” (youtube) makes some profoundly soul shaking discoveries about themselves and the world that they have become isolated from. It almost always re-connects them to their fellow man and inspires them to view their life from a new and empowered vantage point. It would be fair to say that those on the receiving end of these “secret millionaires” gifts, have their faith in mankind (and womankind) re-affirmed, as they are further resourced in their passion of serving their communities. It’s powerful, heartwarming and some of the most positive viewing I have seen in years. Is there spin involved? probably, but we get spin in negative TV as well. Why not for a few moments in time focus on something that builds rather than pulls down. Thats what Iv'e been thinking anyway.

So what can we learn from the series?

1. Giving is still one of the most endearing characteristics of mankind
Pre-occupation with our own needs is perhaps the single most disempowering act for our community. When we give, we change.

2. Serving someone else’s passion is a powerful way to personally connect with them.
The story is told of the chicken and the pig, whilst walking past a restaurant begin to talk about Bacon and Eggs and the chicken suggests they open a restaurant. The pig replies “Its fine for you, as you’d be involved but I would be committed.”

3. Open a person’s heart and you open up their vision (and cheque book)
Some people know the cost of everything but the value of nothing. True value is not in what comes to us, but what “flows through us” The principle of “sowing and reaping” is applicable in all areas of life.

4. You don’t have to be a millionaire to make a difference, but it helps to be generous
The story is told of a tourist lost in the centre of Dublin who asks a local resident for directions to Chancery Street. “Well if I was you”, said the local, “I wouldn’t start from here.” Truth is, we can only ever start from where we are now. It’s not what you need, but what you have, that counts.

5. Thank God for volunteers around the world.
Being pre-occupied is no excuse for serving outside of your own need. Millions of people world- wide gives of their time “freely” in pursuit of their fellow man. Even the lives of millionaires can change if we connect with the man in the street.

Cowboy Wisdom part 2

2010-07-13T21:22:00.000-07:00

Cowboy Wisdom part 2
In the Biblical sense, wisdom is the "ability to judge correctly and to follow the best course of action, based on knowledge and understanding" (Lockyer).

Were you to do a search on the internet to define wisdom, you would get a whole heap of returns that give only a definition. Wisdom, doesn’t just sound right, it works in the storm. Many people attribute education to wisdom when in fact it has little to do with wisdom. Why? Because education prepares you for life and living but it doesn’t guarantee that it will be used in a wise way.

I like these definitions:
• Accumulated knowledge or erudition or enlightenment
• The trait of utilizing knowledge and experience with common sense and insight
• The quality of being prudent and sensible

Years ago, part of my University studies included business management. Our lecturer had officially filed for bankruptcy three times. (Today we politely call it “going into receivership or liquidation”) and had overseen the closure of all three businesses he managed. He held an MBA and a majour in accountancy with a business law degree. Whilst his education prepared him for life, I wouldn’t say it was applied with wisdom, although one could argue he is better equipped today, having experienced these failures.

Life is like that, we learn wisdom more from our experiences than we do from an education devoid of application. As a food lecturer, I understand that a recipe has two key components, and without the skill of appropriation, they are equally useless. The keys are:

1. A list of ingredients
2. A method of application

Wisdom similarly, requires the same approach.

1. The situation to hand
2. The appropriate application or method of action.

Now every recipe book I have ever read, (or written), makes the fundamental assumption that you understand your ingredients! Fact is, there are many fundamental errors that can result in a failed recipe. Experience tells us as professional chefs that “a working knowledge” of kitchen etiquette is the hidden factor for success. That comes about by pitting our education (taught skills), against our learned skills (experience) this is applied knowledge or wisdom. The hidden factor for success in either cooking or wisdom is timing and that comes by a life lived.

More Gems from the men in hats:

* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.
* Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' himdo it are two entirely different propositions.
* If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
* When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.
* Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's sure crucial to know what it was.
* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket.
* You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'til they get thumped.(Character shows up best when tested.)
* Never miss a good chance to shut up.
* If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, shouldn't it follow that cowboys would be deranged?
*There never was a horse that couldn't be rode; Never was a cowboy who couldn't be throwed.

Perhaps the last word should come from the headstone of the Duke himself:

"Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learnt something from yesterday."

2010-07-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

Cowboy Wisdom part 1

Ever been in a situation where you seem at a loss to resolve it, yet someone has made a comment and although it doesn’t provide an immediate answer, it somehow makes sense. If nothing else it gives you a laugh and that in itself jollies you along.

I collect interesting thoughts and little ditties, which I have rolling along my desktop screensaver. Some years ago, I came across a batch of these comments called “Cowboy Wisdom.” I’ve never been a cowboy, although I do own a “man from Snowy River” hat (all the Aussies will know what I mean, take a youtube peak). It was made famous in the film, “The man from Snowy River”. The Akubra hat has been an icon for many a generation and that is as close to being a cowboy I have ever become. Oh wait, I do like John Wayne films..does that qualify?

Wisdom is applied understanding. It is found not in the hallowed halls of learning but rather on the plains among the people. On the high seas of life amidst the storms that come along. Wisdom can make an inferior person strong whilst lack of it can make a superior person weak. Wisdom is nurtured in the cauldron of life’s challenges and we should embrace its refining as a child would a fluffy toy, as it surely will be a lamp unto our feet in times of darkness.

Here are some gems I have gleaned over the years. I can’t take credit for them, just as Solomon could not lay claim to his; however should you know of other gems I would love to know their fount and source.

-- Authors Unknown

Don't name a pig you plan to eat.

Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight, and bull strong.

Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plough around the stump.

A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

Meanness don't happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads.

Don't sell your mule to buy a plough.

Don't corner something meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You can't unsay a cruel thing.

Every path has some puddles.

Make em Laugh part 2 :)

2010-07-09T21:35:00.000-07:00

Make em laugh Part 2

Laughter is infectious. It has a curious way of drawing people to it. It can change the atmosphere as quickly as switching on a light. In the formative years of life, we learn to laugh without language or props. A baby will respond without the provocation of witty dialogue. A smile or a BOO! Will do it!

As we grow and become more sophisticated with education, we can lose, or mask the simplistic approach to fun. Sadly, there are now classes held around the world to teach people to laugh! Drop around to my place and I guarantee you will find your sense of humour before the first laxative takes hold.

Successful teams, are teams that approach their objectives with the ability to make light of heavy going. I don’t mean making a mockery of serious stuff, but releasing the tension out of a potentially volatile situation.

Many years ago, as an exec chef, I had taken over a struggling food outlet. The previous boss had ruled with an iron fist and as a result had intimidated the staff to the point of abuse.

I was about to whip forty liters of cream in the commercial beater. Instead of my usual safety check, I just hit the start button. In one overwhelming burst of madness, the whole of the contents of the bowl hurtled in every imaginable direction, drenching me from head to toe in half the cream and the remainder on the ceiling, walls, and floor. You could hear a pin drop as every worker stopped their work and waited for my response. I took one finger and dragged it over my face gathering some of the spilled cream and licked it. With a giggle in my voice I said, “It needs more sugar” and walked out of the kitchen to get a change of uniform. On my return, the atmosphere had changed, the people had identified with me and we became a team. This team were to become some of my greatest supporters in the years to come.

Here are some practical ways to lighten the load :

• Flash your ivories. Smiling is one sure way to get a response. People will either smile back or try to figure out what you are on! Smiling is the beginning of laughter and laughter is contagious. We don’t need a reason to smile, train yourself to do it. I am a smiley person and I am always getting people smiling back. So often that I am often being asked by those that are with me, “do you know that person?” and the answer is mostly, No. The smile opens up opportunities to speak and speaking is a way to get to make friends. Try it, it works!

• Consider the good stuff. Try listing some of the good things in your life. It’s a powerful way of counteracting the difficult stuff. Our thought life directly reflects our mood. My mother had a saying “I complained about having no shoes until I met a man who had no feet". I am always around people who are underprivileged in life and it is a constant reminder of the privileged life I lead. Visit the cancer ward of your local hospital and then tell me you lack in life.

• When laughter is heard, seek it out. There was a common statement that the secretaries said, when people came looking for me at my office. ‘Just follow the laughter”. I loved that being said of me! What a compliment. Sometimes humour and laughter is a private matter, but in my experience, I like people who want a laugh. As part of my role, I counsel people over pretty serious and painful situations. Often at the outset there is no place for humour, but on more than one occasion, staff would appear at my door wondering what the laughter was all about? Later on I would be asked “How come such a tense situation became so funny” I’d say, ‘Have you ever listened to my counsel”.

• Seek out fun people. Find the party! I have always gravitated to people that can see the funny side of life. I remember some years ago, interviewing a bunch of potential secretaries, and always seem to settle on the one with the best sense of humour, but the least appropriate for the job. The companies P.A. would be in fits of uncontrollable laughter as she watched me go through the process, for she knew that ultimately the “new” secretary would ‘go onto better things” and the process would begin again. Why? Because I had a knack of inspiring people to come out of their shell and the basis of this was humour. My filing cabinets always remained a source of mystery, but we had some fun times.

• Look for opportunities to use humour in conversations. I can find humour in the most serious of situations, but they are not always the most appropriate forums to use it. Humour is often influenced by our culture and nationality. I speak at conferences and meetings internationally and often language can be a barrier to understanding. Ironically, I have had some of the funniest situations take place despite it. If we make a point using humour to lighten a situation, we increase our chances of receptivity.

Here are some of the health benefits of laughter

Physical Health Benefits:
• Boosts immunity
• Lowers stress hormones
• Decreases pain
• Relaxes your muscles
• Prevents heart disease

Mental Health Benefits:
• Adds joy and zest to life
• Eases anxiety and fear
• Relieves stress
• Improves mood
• Enhances resilience

Social Benefits:
• Strengthens relationships
• Attracts others to us
• Enhances teamwork
• Helps defuse conflict
• Promotes group bonding

2010-07-06T16:38:00.000-07:00

Make em laugh, make em laugh part 1.

Have you ever been driving behind another vehicle and glanced at the vehicle in front, only to notice some witty phrase that about sums life up in a single statement? Or happen to see some graffiti poet making light of a serious situation?
I am a bit of a gatherer of facts. I love finding amusing ditties or notes posted around. In particular, a raison d’être of one line, that adds a measure of irony, humour and wisdom at the same time. Regardless of social standing, ethnicity or language, there is something about humour that lightens the load and makes the journey somewhat enjoyable. I love funny people and spend much of my time searching them out. At school, I and most of my friends would be found outside the headmasters office explaining a “prank gone wrong”, or why we were disrupting the class with some inane attempt to “oil the wheels” of a squeaky day. Years later as a teacher, lecturer, and public speaker, I am still at it.

Spike Milligan, influenced my life quite profoundly as I was growing up. His humour, whilst witty was incredibly easy to understand and apply. Often I would find myself (not that I was lost), in the playground reiterating one of his phrases, with some bizarre voice contortion, that was funnier than the words I spoke. Humour is a powerful emotion. It can add a sense of sanity in an insane situation. I was never good at fighting in school, so I adopted a sense of humour and amazingly, few people wanted to bash me. I got invited to parties and built strong friendships with the class idiots. Whilst others were academically achieving, we were at the back of the class wondering what we could do with a ball of string, a cobbler’s wax and three fused liquorice allsorts. Amazingly, it all worked out and I often afford myself a quiet giggle as I am lecturing at seminars to people with Doctorates, Masters and a myriad of letters after their name. I still have the cobblers wax.

So what (if anything) can humour teach us?

Humour and Health
When health has deteriorated it becomes harder to smile and to laugh. There is a greater risk of depression with increasing health difficulties. If you experience chronic health conditions such as arthritis, cancer, cardiovascular problems, you may become vulnerable to stress, depression and anxiety. There are studies that indicate the importance of laughter or at least smiling. Here are some well known facts about humour and health.

The Effects of Humour on Our Health

1. IMMUNITY: increased, IgA and IgM and IgG increased in blood after laughter, improved resistance to colds and infections
2. ENDORPHINS & ENCEPHALONS: natural high making chemicals of the body are increased by laughter
3. MUSCULAR relaxation (muscles take 2 hours to return to previous state of tension after belly laugh)
4. LUNGS are helped by laughter expelling residual volume of air, allowing more fresh air to enter lungs
5. EXERCISE Stress hormones reduced (adrenalin and noradrenalin, cortisol
Research by Dr. Bill Fry of Stanford Medical School has established that 100 laughs a day give you as much beneficial exercise as 10 minutes of rowing - and without the agonised expression that rowers, stationery cyclists and joggers customarily have on their faces. A study at the University of Maryland has shown that laughing regularly offers some protection against heart attacks.

Spike Milligan in life was a veritable source of fun and inspiration. In his death he is still making em laugh as the epitaph that he had chiseled in his headstone says “I told you I was ill”.

Iv'e Been Thinking - Living Between The Dash

2010-07-04T15:45:00.000-07:00

Living Life Between The Dash

Several years ago, I was visiting my parent’s grave site on a cold and wintry afternoon in late February. As you can imagine it was fraught with emotion and lacking in any sense of purpose or future. As I was wandering aimlessly around the cemetery, I was taken with the numerous grave sites with headstones embellished with words which in most cases had been kept to twenty six or less, in order to fit on the stone. I was quite tearful as my parent’s stone hadn't been unveiled as yet and we were all in a quandary as to how we could limit a person’s life to twenty six words or less. It struck me as I pondered the headstones, how almost all of them had a dash entered between the dates of “Born” and “Died”.

Joseph Thomas January 14Th 1924 – February 14Th 2008.

That “dash” represented the sum total of the person’s existence. Just one simple hyphen, a mere nudge of a chisel and all their dreams, hopes, celebrations of joy along with their fears and anxiety, recorded in stone. Their lives (as with ours), were expressed in a finite expression of living life between the "dash".

Whilst this symbol of a life lived, is crass in its attempt to summarize one’s life, it is a stark reminder of the importance of (at the least), living life full and dying spent. As the old saying goes “many die with the music still in them”. Life was never intended to be lived cautiously or reserved. It was meant to be lived to the full. Live life full, but die spent.

Spent is a term often associated with wild salmon, whose sole purpose in life is to fulfill their lives journey and return to their birth place, to give life to future generations. Burned into their DNA is their reason for existence. No holding back for finer weather or better options.
By journeys end, each salmon lays beaten up and scarred by the ravages of the river and obstacles within its path, but never the less, its in-built purpose spurred it on to complete the course. Its life purpose was both the fuel and the target.

Is there any finer cause for mankind, than navigating ones life through the challenges of living, in the pursuit of advancing the cause of another?
This same unselfish motive should be ours by intent. This is living life between the "dash".

“Only those are fit to live who do not fear to die; and none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life. Both life and death are parts of the same Great Adventure”. -Theodore Roosevelt

I like yourself, have had sufficient challenges to justify rest in the still pools beside the raging rivers of life and for a time such rest is essential in re-focusing on the next stage of our journey. Ultimately, when strength and reason return, we will take our place between the dash. Not for our sakes, but for the advancement of the generation yet to experience the joy of living life to the full.

In the days ahead, I trust you will re-affirm the life you live, "between the dash."

Iv'e Been Thinking: Things I Have Learned - When Good Enough Isn't Goo...

2010-07-02T16:50:00.000-07:00

Iv'e Been Thinking: Things I Have Learned - When Good Enough Isn't Goo...: "Human nature is fascinating! Throughout life, we are all faced with daily issues that challenge, excite and shape us. Most of us woul..."

Iv'e Been Thinking - Cones, The Silent Invasion

2010-07-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

I was driving homeward on my usual route when all of a sudden the road ahead had turned from its normal tree lined aspect to a blur of orange and white. Netherlands supporters I thought, a riot of blazing orange traffic cones, had assaulted my space and offended my sensitivities. Where do they come from?

They littered the roadside just as a dog would shake its wet coat in every direction. Then I got to thinking about this most used and abused icon of the world’s highways and byways.

Did you realize that the first traffic cone appeared in New York in 1914 and attributed to Charles P Rudabaker. His first design was made in concrete. Since then the humble cone has infested roadways and marshaled drivers from every Nation around the world. No one knows the population of these cones nor the numbers produced each year. We do know that Taiwan and China pump out a million each month @ $10 each. The University of Texas buys 600 per year and drunks world-wide, gather them on returning home from the pub.

Cone removal (let’s not say stealing) is part of the unwritten core curriculum @ every University around the world and there is almost a written rule that requires their placement in the most amusing of situations. In Auckland a cone even appeared atop the Sky Tower, (our tallest Building). Apparently the most popular spot in Scotland is on the head of the statue of the Duke of Wellington outside the Gallery of Modern Art museum in Glasgow, and sightings have been recorded on most iconic buildings, statues and in trees. In fact I can attribute to personally rescuing many a lonely cone from the chill of a winter’s night, into the warmth and safety of my home, only to see it evicted in the morning (along with myself).

There is even a society for the preservation of cones and a Guinness book of records for the most collected cones, (Englishman of course) and although the most popular colour is Orange, the colours are limitless as are the materials used in their manufacture. The traffic cone was voted 839th of 1160 nominations as Icons of Britain. How much do you know about the humble cone? Take the online survey. There are web pages to the Appreciation of Cones, Blogs and Commentaries , Cone Art, Cone Liberation Organization , Cones as Pets , Cone Conspiracy , Cones of Literacy, Adopt a Cone, and even Cone Marriage.

Well I got to thinking and here’s the gut’s of it!

1. Have you ever rescued a cone?

2. Where is the remotest place you have seen a cone?

3. Next time you see a lonely cone, why not take a picture and make a Kodak moment, after all, cones dedicate their life to our safety and well-being. For sure, they will be around long after wev'e gone! Maybe you could send me some interesting pictures of "Cone Invasion."

Thanks to Lori O'Conel, who actually took the time to pen this ode to a cone

O stalwart shield of the careless and rash
Egyptians of old built cone temples for you
Orange Angel, you stand, constant and true
Your sacrifice diverting each fatal crash.

What divine hand shaped your perfect form?
What gods stole your color from the sun's rays,
Infused it into that primordial clay
And kissed it to life with the breath of a storm?

How many pass by, never knowing that they
Are sheltered beneath your wings of gold,
Kept safe from the clutches of Death so cold.
But thankless, unmoving, and faithful you stay.

O Sentinel, your spirit no human could tame
Without you, our roads would ne'er be the same.

-Lori O'Conel

Things I Have Learned - When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough

2010-07-01T01:06:00.000-07:00

Human nature is fascinating!

Throughout life, we are all faced with daily issues that challenge, excite and shape us. Most of us would say that we appreciate the good things we experience and dislike those which hold us back. For the most part, we are content with the "good things" and content with our good performance.

"The game was really good"
"He did a good job"
"It's for your own good"

These are all common statements that we use and are content with. It expresses that things are fine, acceptable; we are pleased with the outcome. But is good, good enough? "Good is the enemy of best"

Consider the surgeon who operates on the philosophy of good being good enough, when performing open heart surgery!

Or the pilot who is within a degree of his anticipated course - (over the length of a long haul journey, you can actually miss a continent)

Or the Olympic 100 meters sprinter who was 1/10th of a second outside of the world’s best time and gets silver.

Maybe a straight "A" student who was one percent below the pass marks and as a result settles for a "second best" career.

A builder whose foundations are good but not perfect according to the plans, is courting disaster at some point during the storm. Or the accountant, who omits to file your tax return on time, but remembered to go on a world cruise and leave you to it!

You see, there are many times in life when being good just isn't good enough and thankfully, we rest confident in those individuals who shun being good and pursue excellence. Being good is a great place to start, but we should peruse going beyond what is acceptable or good and develop an attitude that takes us into excellence.

Here are some simple things we can all excel in and move beyond the "being good is good enough" behavior.

1. OUR WORD - Never promise that which you know you can't deliver. Being a person of your word, means there will be a cost to you to keep it. I recall a good friend of mine taking his business into receivership because his debtors defaulted on what they owed him. Rather than doing the same to his creditors, he sold his assets and paid off all his debts. When I quizzed him for his reasoning, he said "I gave them my word."

2. OUR ACTIONS- Never do a "good enough" job. What sets you above the crowd is being above average. Average people do average work. I am not saying sell yourself short, but never sell anyone else short either. As an employer and employee, be prepared to go the extra mile.

There is an old Roman custom that authorized any soldier to command a local to carry his amour and kit for one mile. Those with an attitude of excellence carried the armour not for one mile but for two. "Going the extra mile". I make it a point of selecting my team leaders based on their "extra mile" attitude. Clock watchers don’t understand this philosophy and are likely to focus their actions elsewhere.

3. OUR LIFESTYLE- Never let the pursuit of excellence burden others in the process. Being excellent is not an issue of perfection, but an issue of attitude. One can have an excellent attitude and do a less than excellent job, but one can’t have average attitude and do an excellent job.

Why?

To be above the norm of average, we need to excel in our view of average. The saying "I can’t hear what your saying, because your LIFE speaks to loud" rings so true of many an average life. "When all is said and done, it's not what's said, but what's done."

Live life to the full, enjoy life extensively but consider the surgeon, pilot, sprinter, or academic. Their excellence, safeguards our choice of being average.

Iv'e Been Thinking: - Things I Have Learned

2010-06-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

Iv'e Been Thinking: Iv'e Been Thinking - Things I Have Learned: "Like you, I am faced with challenges on a day to day basis. Some challenges I handle well and award myself a large tick, whilst others requi..."

Iv'e Been Thinking - Things I Have Learned

2010-06-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

Like you, I am faced with challenges on a day to day basis. Some challenges I handle well and award myself a large tick, whilst others require a re-sit. I was always amused by the comments that my teachers would enter onto my school report card. I mean, did those comments truly reflect the life issues I was learning or purely my academic ability (or not, as the case may be). I truly believe that whilst we learn many things during our eductaion, I can't ever remember being in a school or further education environment that majoured on the real skills of living. Skills such as:

Financial management
Integrity
Honesty
Values
Vision
Relationship
Morality etc.

Its true that our values as a generation have shifted and in fact our values evolve (or degenerate, depending on your opinion) with each passing generation. As a coach and counsellor, I meet many life issues on a day by day basis and in almost all of the situations I am called to assist in, the root issue can be traced back to one or all of the list previously outlined above. Why? Because education is all about preparation not initiation. Having a knowledge of something does not guarantee your capacity to activate that knowledge in a real life situation.

We are taught many intellectual skills in school, but learn about life in the school of hard knocks. As an educator and lecturer I have spent most of my life in teaching institutions of one kind or another, but the true life lessons I learned from my peers and people associations. I may not have got a tick in high school over these lessons, but they have served as a compass to my family and I (and hopefully their families) for generation to come.

Andy Rooney the TV personality and all round good guy, penned these lessons on his life and they have served as a source of encouragement to me for years. I hope they will provide you with inspiration and values base for years to come.

I Have Learned that...

... the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

... when you're in love, it shows.

... just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

... having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

... being kind is more important than being right.

... you should never say no to a gift from a child.

... I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

... no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

... sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

... simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

... life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

... we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

... money doesn't buy class.

... it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

... under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

... the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

... to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

... when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

... love, not time, heals all wounds.

... the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

... everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

... there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.

... no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

... life is tough, but I'm tougher.

... opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

... when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

... I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.

... one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

... a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

... I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

... when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

... everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

... it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

... the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Ive Been Thinking - Iv''e Learned

2010-06-29T20:33:00.000-07:00

I am a literary magpie! There I said it. Most days will find me searching and researching issues pertaining to life. I am compelled to write notes, memos and scribblings on the back of business cards and till receipts. Since the advent of mobile phones, I regularly fill my memories capacity with "note to self" and "reminders". I can't help it, I am addicted to it. My e-mail inbox is flooded with "reminders" and I always have at least three to four books that I am writing, on the go at any one time.

I can't watch a movie or TV programme without gleaning some interesting fact that urges me to record it on paper. Just like last night, an ecological programme stated that 90% of all bottled water contains 50% of its water content from our local tap water supply! Also, our local water supplies (by law), have to be monitored more frequently than bottled water supplies. By 2023 60% of the world will lack fresh water supplies. http://www.sundancechannel.com/ecotrip/

This $12 billion industry has to be the biggest marketing con of all time, people paying for a product that is free to most and with perhaps the largest pollution factor in our worldwide food chain. Have you been thinking? Have a watch and make a "note to self". http://www.sundancechannel.com/ecotrip/episodes/6/

Why do I do this? I am a literary magpie. Now I have to make a concerned effort to verify this information which requires more research and collection of "notes to self." Bob Jones a well known entrepreneur and businessman in New Zealand, once said of the education system, that the missing link in education is the "ability to think". That in my opinion is so true! One can have a masters in communication or business and yet have a string of failed relationship and businesses. The fact is, education may prepare you for life but in itself, will never initiate anything. Knowing about something is not as effective as doing something.

Whatever you have been thinking about of late, it's not sufficient to park your thoughts there. Why not put them into action after all "faith without works is dead faith"